Ask a therapist > Friendship > How can I communicate and with who?

How can I communicate and with who?

I desperately seek for meaningful relationships. I go to school and it's been almost 3 years consumed with loneliness, partly because of my personality, partly I don't know. I just know it hurts too much. I wish I could talk some things with a loving parent, but I can't. A friend? They have been hard to make and some hard to maintain. I just want someone to listen earnestly and get to know me.
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Asked by Liv
Friendship
Answered
01/31/2023

Hello Liv, 

Your desire for someone to know you in a deep meaningful way is a part of human nature. You deserve that. I am glad you reached out for some assistance and I hope I can guide you in the right direction today. 

My favorite part of therapy is identifying strengths!. I know you have many, as evident in your question. You desire a connection with someone. That tells me that you are a human who has some level of empathy and care for others. You are seeking help, which can be a barrier in itself to many people. It's great that you are taking this step to make positive changes in your life. 

I agree. It's hard to make and maintain friendships. I promise you it is worth it though! If you can find someone that you click with and get along with, there is nothing more valuable than a good friend. What are the barriers keeping you from making a good friend? This is important to identify and will help you manage those thoughts that are stopping you from forming that connection that you desire so much. 

There is a type of therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy. CBT tells us that our thoughts feelings and behaviors are all connected and they influence each other. Typically, I notice cycles that people form in their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that lead to negative outcomes. The good news is, if we can find ways to break the cycle, we can make positive changes. For example; you might think that no one wants to talk to you, so you avoid people, and then you feel sad because you don't have a friend. Then because you feel sad, you avoid people and talk to others less. It creates this cycle where the thoughts, feelings and behaviors feed off of each other and make things more difficult for you. Where do you think this cycle can be broken? Breaking cycles oftentimes means going outside of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to try new things. These things might be scary sometimes but if you keep your goals in mind, they can feel a little easier! 

I wish you the best! 

-Melissa 

(LCSW)