How do you start to make amends with old relationships you actually want to rekindle?
Asked by Arii
Answered
12/12/2022
When we want to rekindle a friendship with someone that we have fallen out with it can take time and be difficult. There are a few steps you can take. The first step is self-awareness. You can do this by looking at the situation and see what your part in the fall out was. Were there behaviors or actions on your part that caused the relationship to end? Were these behaviors or actions negative or positive? If they were negative discover a way to correct them within yourself first.
The second step would be to identify what amends you would like to make with your friend. Since you have identified what your part is you can identify what making amends for your part would look like. This can look like repaying physical debt, saying you are sorry, changing behaviors or actions, etc. By identifying this before reaching out to the friend can show that you have taken time and consideration to address what your part in the fall out was.
The third step would be to reach out to your friend to see if they are ready or wanting to talk. If they are not wanting to talk directly to you ask if you could text or email. This shows respect and care towards their feelings as well as gives you an idea if they are ready to accept the amends.
The fourth step would be to make the actual amends whether it be in person, over text, or through email. Being able to express your feelings, own your part of the fall out, and identifying what you are willing to do to fix the issues.
The fifth step would be to allow the other person to express their thoughts, feelings, amends, etc. When we want to mend relationships, it is important to be able to listen to their perspective too. Try to remember to listen to hear not listen to defend. Although perceptions may be different regarding the events or situations that occurred it is important that you both are given equal opportunity to express this.
The last step would be if both of you want to mend the relationship to start out slow and start communicating and spending time together again. Sometimes relationships can pick up where we left off. Other times we must rebuild the relationship to get as strong as it was. Again, both the other person and you need to come to an agreement of what this should look like.
