What do I have to do to get my friends' attention

Hello, thanks for reaching out.

In any relationship, be it romantic, coworker, friends, family etc, communication is of paramount importance for a healthy relationship. Sometimes difficult conversations or difficult topics can be difficult for us to bring up with another person, because as a species we tend to shy away from conflict if at all possible. Sometimes the perception of difficult topics or conversation is that the level of difficulty will match the level of potential conflict involved if we open up to the other person.

This is often not the case, sometimes communicating that part of ourself can actually diffuse a potential conflict because now the other party involved now knows how we feel and likely vice versa.

If we are not accustomed to opening up to another person in this manner, it can take time to get comfortable to it, it can also feel clunky at first, awkward almost, but it can be a skill that can help us long term once we master it.

There are of course ways to interact with another person and ways that if we interact in that way then an argument will ensue. Usually in those conversations that start with a judgmental point of view i.e. the "you did this, you did that," then the other person will likely feel attacked and respond from a defensive posture to defend themselves, which then leads to an argument.

If however we communicate our feelings with the other person then this will not feel like an attack and serves to inform the other person. They can then respond in kind and now there is dialogue. This conversation may look like "I feel (feeling).......when.....(event/situation)" there is no attack here and therefore nothing for another person to feel the need to defend themselves and thus no argument. 

I highlight this as it can be an effective tool to communicate with another person. I notice your question around how to get friends' attention as such this could look like "I feel (lonely) when I (don't hear from you for a time)" as an example but of course using your own words. This then communicates how you might feel and therefore your needs in this situation. They might respond with why they may be absent etc which of course could be they got busy, they have been ill or anything else. Either way there would be dialogue between the two of you. 

This is of course one of many ways of communication. Therapy could indeed help you to explore what might be going on for you in a safe space regarding friends/family and more besides.

warmest regards,

Kai