What is wrong with me?

Thank you so much for sharing your honest feelings and questions. That is a hard place to be in, when you don't feel really all the way present in the world or your own life. I also think you're not alone in feeling this way, as many are feeling disconnected emotionally and socially following the pandemic. 

Let's start with some techniques that can help you turn off autopilot and feel more involved in your own life. Grounding techniques can be very helpful here to bring awareness to your body and your environment. Deep breathing is one of these grounding techniques. You can try simply taking deep breaths, or you can try square breathing where you inhale for a given amount of time (i.e. four seconds), hold it for the same amount of time, exhale for the same amount of time, and hold that for the same amount of time, forcing your breathing to be slower and more controlled. You can also try the "5-4-3-2-1 technique," in which you will identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Strive to notice small details that your mind would usually tune out, such as distant sounds, or the texture of an ordinary object.

Another idea to go along with this is being intentional about the activities you choose to engage in and making sure you do something fun or exciting for yourself each week. This can be anything from getting your favorite coffee to going on walks outside, as long as it evokes that positive emotion for you.

You also brought up the challenge of connecting with people and making friends. This can be an intimidating thing, especially in adulthood, when it feels like there are fewer opportunities to spend time with new people. When you feel up to it, busting out of your comfort zone might help you interact with new people, which could be potential new friends. Think about activities you’ve always wanted to try but never have. It could be as simple as taking your dog to a new coffee shop every weekend or maybe you finally try going to that book club that your cousin is in. You could also just spark up a conversation with the people you regularly cross paths with at work, the gym, the library, or wherever.

If you feel more comfortable starting connections online, there are now several different social platforms where you can joins groups related to your interests. For example, if you like cycling, join a cycling Facebook group or follow a cycling TikTok page. You could also use social media as a jumping-off point for developing friendships with people you follow by replying to people’s stories if they post about activities you’re interested in, or leaving kind comments on their posts.