Why do I ruin my happiness?

Hi Mort,

To me this sounds like hyper-awareness.  Basically you are overly in tune with yourself, your process and your thoughts are interfering with your ability to be in the moment and enjoy it.  A lot of people have the opposite problem which is that they don't think and aren't aware enough of the way they present to others.  Regardless, there are many people like you that present with hyper aware and detrimental thoughts that stop them from fully experiencing or enjoying interactions with others.

I would say it may help to intervene on some level with affirmations and reframing.  This is basically cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and that means that you change the way you think and then you will experience and enjoy a different behavioral outcome.  Hence, when you become aware you are laughing, I would encourage you to first, figure out what exactly is your internal dialog that is "ruining the fun" for you?  To me, it sounds like it's thoughts like "I'm laughing now.  Am I laughing too hard.  There I go laughing again. Is this really funny?  Is this worth laughing about?  I can hear myself laughing..."  Maybe it is something like that?  Basically, any type of thinking like that is going to interfere with and ruin the moment in which you experience spontaneous laughter and humor with another person or people.  So, the reframing process involves you answering back to these thoughts with gentle, but disputing thought patterns such as "Yes, I am laughing and that's okay" or simply "I know.  It's good to laugh"....basically any intervening thought that is not hyper-aware or critical of yourself for laughing in those moments is going to help you to not ruin the fun as you say.  

Be gentle on yourself and if this doesn't help at first, just keep trying and try to avoid patterns of self-criticisms - that's the crux of the entire problem in that you are thinking and being overly self critical and it's interfering with you being your authentic self in the moment.  I am wondering if you are aware of yourself laughing or hyper-aware of yourself in any other circumstance. 

Some of what you are describing does sound like a sort of social anxiety or awkward feeling and that could just be a symptom of a larger issue. I am also wondering if there may be some part of you that thinks you don't deserve to have fun and just laugh?  Maybe you don't like the way you sound when you laugh or someone gave you feedback about your laugh that sort of ruined finding things funny and laughing for you.  If so, those are also ideas that need to be challenged and changed.   I hope you don't have more global anxieties or issues with social awkwardness/unhappiness.  If it is just limited to being overly aware of laughing, then that is actually a good thing compared to what some people struggle with in terms of social anxiety an awkward feelings. 

Regardless, the goal here is just to let yourself be in the moment and to enjoy it without interfering negative thoughts.  Mindfulness is another therapy term for this process so you can look up more on both CBT and mindfulness practices and hopefully this will aid you to be more relaxed and spontaneous and at ease with your own thinking and hence, experience better and more rewarding social interactions.  

I hope this helps!