Ask a therapist > Grief > How do I cope with my current situation?

How do I cope with my current situation?

I'm losing direction in life now that I lost my mother about 3 years ago. She was always my reason to move forward despite everything life throws at me and now I cannot seem to find the same motivation to go through life without her. And my current long-distance relationship is very complicated at the moment. We broke up before the new year and got back together after a week. And he basically ghosted me right now which was always the issue in our relationship before the breakup. I thought he could be the reason I'll find that spark to go through life again, but with the problems we've been having in the 2 years we've been together that seems far-fetched. Although I'm still clinging to that small chance that maybe we haven't made the most out of the relationship because we haven't seen each other yet and that it will all change for the better when we finally get to be together. Btw, I've been having anxiety and panic attacks over my relationship because sometimes he just doesn't reply even though he's seen my messages and that triggers my anxiety which did not happen to me before this relationship.
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Asked by Emma
Grief
Family
Answered
01/23/2023

Hello Emma!

Thank you for your message, you are brave to ask these questions!

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. Losing a parent is a significant loss and very painful. Grief and loss can be a slow process of healing and growth.

I have worked with many people who were working through grief and loss, and sometimes people need to slow down and work through the emotions and thoughts with a therapist. Grief counseling can be one on one or in a grief support group setting. A therapist will help you understand your grief and process these thoughts and emotions to find a sense of peace about the loss.  If there is an experience of trauma or a complicated conflictual relationship with your mother connected to this loss, a therapist will help you process the thoughts and feelings associated with these aspects of loss.

To answer your question about the anxiety and panic attacks connected to the relationship you are in, I think that would be a good thing to get some support from a therapist as well. A therapist can help you understand anxiety more fully, learn coping skills for anxiety when it happens, and process healthy and unhealthy relationship qualities for you and your mental health. Some things a therapist might want to consider with you is what do you like about this person you have the relationship with, why is it long distance, is long distance healthy for you, why is he not responding to your messages and why are you having the response you are having to the lack of response.  Two years is a significant amount of time and for him to still not be replying to you brings up some questions for me in terms of what is the commitment level for you both in this relationship and do these periods of not responding to you follow a fight or conflict?

If I was working with you I would start with some of these previous details about the relationship and listening to what is important to you before offering much advice or direction. I would also suggest you talk with him about this pattern of behavior and let that inform what you think is healthy or unhealthy for you in this relationship. If you have the chance to talk in person, during a calm moment (not in the middle of a conflict), I think that could be helpful conversation for you both.

If you would like to explore these topics with me, feel free to message me!

(MA, LPC)