How do I manage my anger / aggression?

I want to start out by saying that I am very sorry for your loss. I can see two parts to your statement and question, so I would like to help you by addressing both.

The anger towards the world that you are experiencing could definitely be a response to the loss that you experienced because anger is a part of the grief and loss cycle. There could also be many other things contributing to the anger and sometimes it is helpful to determine the primary emotion that is causing that anger. Typically, anger is caused by emotions that trigger the anger, such as feeling depression, hurt, or anxiety because of a loss, for example. Identifying the triggers can also help by learning and knowing how to keep yourself calm once triggered. Once you understand where you are (even if it is years later) in the grief and loss cycle, you can begin to process that loss, which in turn, will help you heal from the loss.

Wondering if you are next is also a normal thought process after experiencing loss. It is normal to think about death in general, whether it be your death or anyone else's, so I want to validate that for you. While nobody can tell you when it is that "time" because that is outside of everyone's control, there are a lot of things that are within your control that you can do to help yourself (and your son) stay healthy and be on top of both of your medical status. Those are the things that are important to focus on and spend energy on because you can do those things on your own and have control over it when everything else feels like it is out of your control.

When having thoughts about your own death or timeframe on this planet, it can be helpful to challenge those anxious thoughts by asking yourself if there is evidence that shows they are true. While you may feel like there is evidence because of your past experience with loss at an early age, it could be helpful to ask yourself "What would friends or family think of this?" Processing those intrusive or distressing thoughts out loud can make a huge difference and help change them into something more positive if that is what you want to do.

I really hope this helps answer your question!