Which is worse, guilt or regret?

Guilt and regret are often thought of in the same way or even used interchangeably in conversation, but they are different. Regret is feeling sad, repentant, or disappointed over an occurrence and is especially significant when there is a feeling of a lost or missed opportunity. Guilt is about committing a behavior that you aren’t happy with.

Regret may occur when you feel you’ve missed out on something, such as taking an invitation to a party where you may have made important professional or personal connections. You may also feel regret about actions you take, which can create an overlap with guilt. Guilt may occur when you take action that ultimately isn’t something that aligns with your morals or values. For example, if you take an accessible parking space you aren’t entitled to and later notice someone who genuinely needed it struggling to walk into a store from a regular space, you may experience guilt.

It’s important to differentiate guilt from shame. Guilt is a feeling of “I did something bad,” and shame is a feeling of “I am bad.” Guilt and shame are emotions often experienced with depression and other issues, so it’s important to note when they are overwhelming. Feeling that you are bad inherently, as is the case with shame, may also play a role in depression and other issues, including trauma. 

Regret and guilt both focus on behavior, and behavior is something that we can address with new or different actions in the future. It’s for this reason that guilt and regret, while uncomfortable, can be helpful emotions. They bring our awareness to things we may have wanted to do differently, enabling us to do differently in the future. Both guilt and regret are normal and healthy emotions that most people experience from time to time.

If you’re experiencing regret, guilt, or shame and struggle to cope with them, talking with a licensed professional counselor can help. Counseling can provide you with a safe and non-judgmental place to process feelings and events, including guilt, regret, and shame. Counseling can also help you learn helpful coping skills.