will the guilt of cheating go away?

The guilt of cheating is something that a lot of people find hard to sit with.  Granted, some people will not experience guilt due to cheating because their focus is mainly on how they have been impacted by the negative consequences of cheating/infidelity rather than the impact that it had on their partner at the time.  I believe that if you are currently experiencing guilt associated with infidelity or cheating, your focus is less on how the consequences affected you and more on how the cheating negatively impacted your partner/ex-partner.

Oftentimes, cheating indicates something happening within an individual or within the relationship that is causing some distress or discomfort.  Although this is not excusing the behavior of the one who cheated, it is important to note that sometimes cheating is not necessarily a personal attack on someone.  Therefore, I encouraged clients who struggle with guilt around cheating to consider their state of mind when the infidelity occurred.  There might have been issues in the relationship around communication.  There might have been internal issues within the client.  Whatever was happening at the time, it is important to note this and to validate it because no one who experiences guilt and shame following an event such as cheating or infidelity truly sets out to hurt another person.

The second thing that I ask clients to explore when wanting to attempt to alleviate their guilt around cheating is whether or not they are feeling guilt as a result of being caught or experiencing guilt because what they did was untrustworthy, dishonest, and hurtful.  If the client answers that they feel guilt due to the dishonesty, that means that this is a person who, most likely, wants to get to the root of why they did what they did.  Exploring the root cause of the infidelity can help the client come to terms with their shortcomings when it comes to their relationships and what they need to do in the future to prevent hurting their future partners/partners again.

This is important because sometimes, something as simple as open communication with their romantic partner would have been enough for the client to feel heard, validated, and prevent cheating. No matter what, the answer to whether or not guilt will go away after someone cheats is that it all depends on the person.  There is such a thing as constructive shame and guilt.  Sometimes, we all need to engage with this constructive shame and guilt.  If someone continues to experience guilt around cheating, then it might indicate that further work needs to be done internally to feel secure and alleviate some of the guilt.