How can I work on myself, to prepare for therapy?

Hello Marco Polo,

Thank you for your question. This is actually a very important question and one many people struggle with when trying to find an answer. You are not alone. Often clients are the experts in their own lives. They know what changes they need to make for progress, but something is keeping them stuck. Therapy can help you process what may be keeping you stuck in unhealthy behavior patterns.

There are a few process questions I would encourage you to consider as you work through this difficult time.

In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), one main focus is interrupting negative thought patterns and replacing them with alternative ones that can give you a more positive outlook on your situation. My first question/challenge for you is to observe when you feel that "negative and lazy mindset" coming into play. Is it after feeling discouraged about something, if you haven't met daily goals, is it early in the morning, or before going to bed? The first start to interrupting negative thoughts is observing when they happen.

In relation to that, the second question is who is in your support system? Are you surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people that have your best interests in mind? Or are you around people that also have negative thought patterns and may feed into how you're already feeling?

The third question is what is currently working well in your life? Give that some serious thought. Often people can get trapped into negative thought patterns where it seems like nothing is going well. Not taking the time to focus on the positives that are happening can not only be exhausting, but keeps you from building on your strengths. You get a distorted perception of reality where it appears nothing is going well when that is often not the case.

The fourth question is how is your time management? You mentioned thinking about changes, but do you take the time to implement them in your daily routine? Sometimes it helps clients to write out a routine to give them structure in terms of how these changes can take place. For example, exercise can be a good way to boost energy and lower negative thoughts. Write out a routine that gives you scheduled time for exercise. This can be done for other activities that can improve your well-being.

The next question is about really exploring the underlying causes to the negative mindset. Does it have anything to do with self-confidence or self-worth? Do you believe in yourself? Have you been told you can't do something in the past? Or have you tried in the past and felt disappointed about the results? Working through the root causes of what is keeping you from making changes can help you face anxieties about the future and making those needed changes.

In Narrative Therapy, part of the journey is to help clients start living their preferred story. For example, write out how you see what your life's journey has been up until this point.  Think about what you would want your preferred narrative to be versus the one that you are currently living. Then write out that preferred narrative. Ask yourself "What does living with purpose look like for me? What does fulfillment look like for me?" How would things be different in my life if I was living my preferred story?

Changing long standing behavior patterns is a process and doesn't happen overnight. I encourage you to be kind and patient with yourself as you work towards fulfillment and improving your emotional well-being overall.

A few tips for now:

• Journaling can be a healthy outlet for expressing thoughts and feelings.
• Keep a daily list of at least one or two things that went well for the day.
• Interrupt negative thought patterns and reframe them with positive ones. EX. Negative Thought:“I can't seem to make any positive changes.” Alternative Thought: “I am going through a challenging time right now like many people do. There are resources available to help me improve my situation.”
• Volunteering is a great way of giving back to the community and finding purpose and fulfillment. 
• Utilize your support system.
• Implement a consistent self-care routine. It can be very beneficial to your energy level and decreasing stress and anxiety.
• Write out a routine that allows for journaling, volunteering, self-care and other activities that can lead to positive change.

When/if you eventually start therapy, take the pressure off yourself to figure it all out in a certain number of sessions. True healing is a process and takes time.