Ask a therapist > Motivation > I've been working through deep feelings of regret

I've been working through deep feelings of regret

I've made some big decisions this year that I regret and I'm having trouble processing them and moving forward. I realize I cannot change the past, although I am seeking therapies and techniques to help overcome the difficulty this is causing me mentally. The regret from these decisions has led to mild depression, very low motivation, and decreased self-confidence. It's been challenging to not beat myself up over the choices I made. Is this something you can help with?
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Asked by Ryan
Motivation
Optimism
Answered
10/21/2022

Greetings Ryan,

Let me start by saying you did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time. 

Instead of regretting, let's reframe and ask empowerment questions. What did I learn that I did not know at the time? What will I do differently? How can I make this situation work for me now? Are there resources around me to assist me in correcting, if possible? Who can support me as I witness the consequences of this decision? What can I do to improve my situation now?

Asking these questions can help you troubleshoot the after-effects and help you work toward a positive outcome or support the weight of experiencing the consequence. There are times when things do not go as planned; therefore, taking extra care of yourself is a must. Utilize positive self-language, for example, use "I am" positive affirmations like, "I am human and sometimes make mistakes, and I find solutions to my problems." Be compassionate and empathic with your thoughts and feelings. Find support, people who listen to you and help support your growth by asking you questions to help you problem solve. I can't stress enough that breathing is essential and the most effective way to reset and start over.  

Here is how you can take care of your mind. Use your breath to clear the negative thoughts and reduce the anxiety associated with the feelings.

I understand that it is hard to witness the results of your decision. However, it is an opportunity to learn and grow. Self-reflection is an essential part of learning and encourages self-mastery. Continue to trust yourself, take your time and collect all the necessary information, and utilize support when necessary, even when you believe you have made a mistake. Talking out your thoughts and feelings can assist you in understanding and exploring favorable resolutions that you may not have thought of before. You are human and making mistakes is part of the learning process. Breathe, Reflect and Learn. You can also go to www.thetappingsolution.com. They have free tapping meditations to help you work through depression. Peace

(LMFT)