How do I handle letting go of things I cannot control?

Hey Sally Sue, 

Thank you for your question, I know it can be hard to focus on what we do or do not have control over. First, I do suggest making a list, what is out of your control, what is within your grasp, can we do anything about either right now?

Remember, we try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t. The desire to be able to control our surroundings and circumstances is ingrained into our consciousness. This is because the more we know about our world, the safer we feel. On the other hand, the less we know, the more scared we feel. The need to control is directly rooted in fear—specifically, the fear of what might happen outside our control.

Focus on valuing who you are, not what you do. When people look to their accomplishments to validate that they are worthy, their sense of feeling good about themselves rides on those accomplishments. So, if you perform well, you will feel good about yourself. If you perform poorly, your will feel less worthy. But you are more than your accomplishments. Just as every infant is born into this world as a worthy human being, you are worthy just for being you. In general, one of the best ways to handle uncertainty is to focus on what you do have control over. Make sure you feel in control of other parts of your life - little things like keeping your bedroom clean and meal planning/prepping can help you feel significantly less overwhelmed. It is normal to feel afraid right now but pay attention to if it starts to turn into panic. While fear, anxiety, and panic can all look similar, fear is a more immediate response to a direct threat. Anxiety and panic are less concrete – you may have a harder time identifying your specific reason for uneasiness in that moment or be feeling fear almost constantly.

Here are some steps that can help with being mindful: Focus on your breath. Notice what you’re feeling. Try to name the emotion you’re experiencing. Don’t try to distract yourself from this emotion, or push it away. Consider the circumstances surrounding your emotion. Notice how you’re breathing when you experience this emotion. Explore this emotion further by asking yourself: “Can I feel it in a particular part of my body? Is my breathing changing? Is any part of my body tenser than other parts? How big does this emotion feel? Do I feel like I want to make the emotion go away? If I do, can I just notice that this is what is happening?”

Lastly, I suggest practicing mindfulness meditation to stay in the present moment. Use a positive affirmation as a source of inspiration and to control negative thoughts. Do what brings you joy, where you lose track of time Spend some time outside in nature...Do some physical exercise that you enjoy.. Practice mindful breathing... Meet up with friends or loved ones, and focus on building a meaningful relationship. Do something new! Allow yourself to dream of potential futures, and calmly observe how you feel when pondering these possibilities..

It's time to let go of control - It can be easy to want to take control of everything in your life. The problem is, if you don’t learn how to let go, then you might soon find yourself overrun with fear, anger, and negative emotions. You may struggle to manage all of your commitments and controlling behavior. Keep in mind these five steps to letting go and moving past a control issue. You’ll find yourself filled with happiness and inner peace:

1. Focus on what you can control

2. Don’t rush through the transition

3. Be in reality

4. Identify your triggers

5. Get in touch with you

I hope this helps!