How do I move on from a heartbreak?

Hey Fifi, 

Thank you for your question, I am sorry to read that you had a recent break up. I know it must be difficult right now to readjust to a daily routine while being single after spending so much time with someone. 

Breakups are usually one-sided– one person walks off into the horizon while the other is left confused, angry, and sad. At this point, pretty much anything feels better than the pain you are feeling. When you’re heartbroken, the hurt, loneliness and vulnerability are acute. So, go ahead and block the person from all of your social media, delete them from your contacts on your cell phone. Mending a broken heart is hard, and there is no fool-proof way to stop your heart from hurting. Unfortunately, you can’t go under, over or around the pain—you have to go through it.

How do you get beyond the pain? The following are tips on how to patch up your heart and move on.

• Can you find any positive to this ending? You may ask how there can be a positive in this situation, but when you see clearer it may actually be a time to be thankful. Suppose the ex hadn’t walked out of your life now and, instead, broke up with you when you were one, two or three decades into the relationship?
• It is healthy to express your emotions after a breakup. Some people can’t help but “wear their emotions on their sleeves,” but others keep their emotions private. While others ask how you are doing after a breakup, you may feel they don’t really want to hear the truth and just give the response that you’re doing fine. However, it doesn’t give the person the opportunity to help you or “walk with you” on the journey.
• If you feel that you don’t have anybody you can really trust or feel comfortable sharing your feelings with, consider writing your thoughts. Writing is an ideal way to get your emotions out, and it takes effort to write thoughts out coherently and physically put them on paper. In addition, reading through your thoughts is great therapy and can help you to get a handle on the emotions you are experiencing.
• Cry all you want, because it’s healthy to release grief and pain. You might be afraid to start crying, because you think you’ll never stop, but you will.
• Accept whatever you feel: feelings aren’t good or bad, they just are.
• Realize that the breakup is like a “withdrawal” you are going through, and practice kindness and compassion to yourself. 
• This is a great time to do something as easy as change your daily routine.
• Perhaps you have always wanted to travel or move to another part of the country—this is your opportunity to do something different. Now is your chance to make a positive change, and it will give you less energy to focus on the heartbreak.
• Try something new everyday. Whether that looks like Exercise, reading, yoga or even meditation. If you wake up early, take a walk or treat yourself to breakfast. Enjoy some time outdoors, If you are unable to sleep, do a crossword puzzle, read or watch television. Don’t sit in the house, thinking about and replaying the relationship—free your mind so your heart can heal.

To build self-confidence and self-esteem, it’s important to develop good habits that make you feel positive about yourself.  Having self-confidence is an attitude and mindset about your skills and capabilities.  It’s easy to lose confidence if you don’t believe in yourself, so it’s important to build self-confidence and self-esteem.  Self-confidence means trusting in your abilities, capabilities, and decision-making. 

One key to being more self confident is by stopping negative self talk. If you are consistently speaking to yourself negativity you do not have time to improve your self-confidence. So be nice to yourself.  You can build self-confidence and self-esteem by trusting yourself and recognizing your strengths. Feeling good about yourself stops negative self-talk and replaces it with positive self-talk.  Increase your self-confidence by being self aware about your thinking and giving yourself the time and space to think positively about yourself. To overcome negative self-talk, shift your perspective and think about yourself as a friend.  When you are nice to yourself and practice positive self-talk, you can reframe any negative feelings about yourself with feelings of positivity and being good enough. 

I hope this helps!