How do I prevent conversational disassociation and trauma dumping?

Hi Tea,

Thank you so much for taking the time to ask this question. It can be really difficult to answer these kind of questions without knowing you a little more, however I can try and give some generic support around this as it sounds really difficult when it comes up. 

What we know is that trauma links together, and stays in the brain and body. It is really common for things throughout our day to 'trigger' our trauma response (or the fight or flight response) as it's our mind and bodies way of trying to keep us safe. It remembers what happened, and any sign that it might happen again it goes into overdrive. 

What you are describing here, with the memory being triggered and then a video tape is then played as you're talking sounds like a trauma response to me. It is one of the main symptoms of someone who has CPTSD as you say you have. In addition, that feeling of not being in control makes me think that it could be dissociation that's happening at the same time (something our mind does again to try and protect us when something is 'too much' to hold onto in the present moment). 

I would really encourage you to engage in as much grounding and present moment awareness that you can, it can be really hard to do this initially and it can be helpful to have a therapist alongside to support your learning and development of using these skills in a way that's helpful. For me, I use the senses a lot with people. So I tend to ask people when they feel these things coming on, can they name and describe 5 things they can see, 4 things they can hear, 3 things they can touch, 2 things they can smell and 1 thing they can taste. This can be done in the room around you and is a great way of bringing our mind and body back to the hear and now, and interrupting that pattern of going back to the memory.

I would really recommend you think about and explore if it feels right for you, a trauma therapist. There is one in particular called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing that can be so helpful for people who are experiencing the symptoms you report here; however it doesn't work for everyone. 

These are just ideas Tea, and I hope they do give you some understanding as to why this might be happening, and ways to begin to explore them safely. Ultimately everyone is different, so it might be that what I have said here won't suit you; I would really encourage you to seek a trauma specialist to begin to explore this further, when you are ready.

Best wishes,

Nikki