Ask a therapist > Other > How do I set clear boundaries with dating and my family? My mom has caused issues in relationships.

How do I set clear boundaries with dating and my family? My mom has caused issues in relationships.

I am a single mom with a daughter. Divorced since 2015. Great job, home, and several family members live with me. My family disrupts my dating life. I love my family and I want to support them, however, I desire a happy and healthy marriage. My family is dysfunctional and often times overstep boundaries as if there aren't any. My last relationship, my mom was very disrespectful to my boyfriend. She didn't like him much because he was over 10 years older than me. I felt like he was my perfect mate but too many problems came with trying to bring him to my home around family. We have broken up since and he says I need to cut my mom out of my life and create boundaries. He says that my mom ruins my life. He feels she doesn't like him because she would lose access to me if we were to marry. My last relationship, she would constantly interfere in conversations and impose her opinions. It was so stressful that I ended the relationship.
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Asked by Ruth
Other
Answered
07/18/2022

Hi, Ruth! My name is Stacey Shine and I am a licensed professional counselor here at Better Help. Thank you for sharing that information with me. It sounds like you are in a really tough spot with your family. I am hopeful I can give you some suggestions to get you started in the right direction.

First, you mentioned your family not respecting boundaries. That can be really hard! Boundaries are hard enough to put in to place and when someone does not respect those, it can be really discouraging. I want to encourage you to examine those boundaries and figure out maybe one or two very firm ones. Set them knowing that your family will most likely push them a little at first to see how firm you will be with them. I think having just one or two allows you to be able to stand firm in sticking with them.

Secondly, I would suggest trying out counseling. It sounds like you are being torn in different directions while also carrying the responsibilities of a mom, partner, daughter, friend. It is a lot! So having a safe space to vent and talk through things with a neutral party may be really beneficial for you. It sounds like a lot of the people in your life are not on the same page so having someone who is strictly there to be in your corner may help you to also feel more empowered to block some of their opinions out and figure out what it is you truly want and need. After all - that is most important in your life! 

I think these two things will really help you get started. With counseling you can have someone help you figure out the issue with boundaries and help you to advocate for what you need most. Counseling does not have to be a scary thing or a super long commitment. You may only need a few sessions to sort things out or you may find it helpful and prefer more.  I hope this was helpful and please remember we are always here! Reach out any time!

(MS, LPC)