Ask a therapist > Other > How do I stop myself from spiraling?

How do I stop myself from spiraling?

I sometimes feel very insecure in my relationships with friends or family. I don't think I've really had many 'bad' relationships, and lots of my relationships are fairly close, but when I even for a second think someone might be upset with me or that they would choose someone else over me, I completely start to spiral. I feel horrible like I've done something wrong, and angry that everyone isn't just happy. I usually call my mom, but I just don't know what to tell her, because I feel crazy and sad but there is no real reason. I never tell her and she can't read my mind so it'll end up being a really fake five minute conversation where I say Im completely fine and just ask about her day. I think I also just don't want to bother her with it because I feel like she already has enough to worry about.
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Asked by Mary
Other
Answered
12/02/2022

Hi Mary! Thank you so much for reaching out to BetterHelp with your question regarding thought spiraling. I think it's important to get a clear picture of what it means to "spiral."

A thought spiral is basically a series of negative thoughts that can feel extremely overwhelming. Once you are in a negative headspace due to the original thought, it can become rather easy to think of more negative thoughts. This is also known as catastrophic thinking and can leave you running through worst-case scenarios. You can imagine that this type of thinking can take a severe toll on your mental health. The good news is that there are a few activities and exercises that can help you learn how to better control these racing thoughts. In this response, I will give you a step-by-step approach.

1. Recognize the spiral or negative thought. Our thoughts create our feelings, so let's start with a feeling. Next time you notice yourself feeling a negative or unpleasant emotion (this can be anger, anxious, sad, etc.), stop and ask yourself, "What thought am I thinking that is causing me to feel this way?" Recognizing and identifying the specific thoughts will help you realize what is happening so you can go on to the additional steps.

2. Take a deep breath. I am adding this step, because a lot of times when we feel negative feelings, we are either breathing too fast or holding our breath without even realizing it. Taking a few deep breaths will help center you and allow you to refocus which will slow down your body's stress response.

3. Ask yourself the following 3 questions: 1) Am I basing this thought on fact or feeling? 2) Is there any evidence to support this thought? 3) Is this thought helping me or is it harming me?

You see, our thoughts are not always true. With how our minds work, we simply don't stop to question them most of the time and accept them as being true. So if your answers to the three questions are, "feeling, no evidence, and harmful," I am going to encourage you to let that thought go. It is not true and it does not serve you. (**Cue "Let It Go" song from Frozen) :)

4. Have compassion for yourself. I do realize that this is easier said than done. Know that everyone experiences negative and spiraling thoughts sometimes. You are not alone. Be intentional with becoming more conscious of your thoughts and questioning the ones that lead to unpleasant feelings and emotions.

I really hope this helps! Remember that perspective is everything.

(M.A., LPC)