Ask a therapist > Other > How should I deal with my messy roommate?

How should I deal with my messy roommate?

My roommate is a slob! I’ll clean the whole apartment and she’ll soon get it dirty and doesn’t clean up her mess. She once left the oven on in front of me and another 2x when I was at work and came home during my lunch break at 10pm. This is actually affecting my mental health and I’ve gone to the office a couple of times to report her irresponsible behavior and have asked to be moved into a different apartment twice but they said I would have to sublease. While I don’t want to do that to anybody who is interested because of how my situation is with her. I also would need to get into a different apartment and wouldn’t be able to afford 2 rent payments.
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Asked by Sydney
Other
Answered
11/25/2022

Hello,

Are you comfortable talking to your roommate? Maybe you all can set up a cleaning schedule of some sort that will assign cleaning duties. It's important to be kind when talking to your roommate. Practice assertive communication techniques. Assertive communication means stating how you feel while still being respectful to others. For example; I understand you are very busy, we both have a lot on our plate. However, I am really struggling with having to clean up behind you all the time. It's making me feel very overwhelmed and frustrated. I would like for us to establish a plan when it comes to cleaning. Please let me know how you feel about this or if you have any suggestions that will help keep the apartment clean.

I encourage you to be direct and respectful because you all are living in the same apartment. I'm not sure how close you all are but the goal is to establish a plan and not create a confrontational environment, that will not help.

I hope you find this helpful. I know roommate situations can be difficult. I speak from personal experience as well as professional experience. Sometimes, expressing how you feel can make a huge difference.

Please remember safety first and if you feel unsafe please reach out to others. Keeping your support system in the loop may be good for you and your mental health.

I also encourage you to look up more information on assertive communication techniques. Learning more about communication techniques can help a lot with situations like this because you all live in a housing unit together. It's important not to be passive or aggressive and to recognize where you are mentally when you decide to have this discussion with your roommate. 

Remember to not make it confrontational, stay respectful, and go into the discussion with intent to establish a plan moving forward. I hope both people feel heard and respected throughout the discussion. I hope you all are able to move forward in a healthy way and not create more tension in your living space. With duties being divided, things may get easier.