Ask a therapist > Other > How to get rid of intrusive thoughts? And also the fear of staring at others' private parts?

How to get rid of intrusive thoughts? And also the fear of staring at others' private parts?

I've been pretty much normal till the age of 15. And then I was introduced to porn. And I watched it almost regularly till 17 and that's when I started getting intrusive thoughts. They're mostly about private parts..at the beginning it was only male's but as my OCD got stronger, I started getting thoughts of female's as well. And I'm pretty sure my father has it as well but he never discussed it being from a conservative family. This has completely affected my social life and my studies. I've been avoiding almost all social gatherings and friends. I feel like my way of looking at people changed. Now when I see a person I tell myself not to think about their private parts or look at them, but I end up looking weird or the person noticing my awkwardness. Is there a way I can live peacefully and lead a normal life? Or am I confined to these thoughts for the rest of my life? I often wonder about this and life feels worthless if I'd have to live with fear forever.
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Asked by Lily
Other
Answered
02/05/2021

Hi Lily.  Thanks for your question.  First, I want you to know that you are not alone in struggling with pornography use, intrusive thoughts, thoughts of the same sex or looking or thinking about other peoples' genitals.  Recent research suggests that about 17% of individuals who view porn on the Internet meet criteria for sexual compulsivity. That translates to a lot of people, given that about 12% of all the Internet traffic is porn and nearly 90% of the young male population (about 30% of the young female population) view pornography at least occasionally.  You don't have to live in fear forever.  You especially don't have to feel worthless.  You can live a normal life!  

The intrusive thoughts that you are speaking about are called an obsessive compulsive behavior. When people have recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas or sensations (obsessions) that make them feel driven to do something repetitively (compulsions).  The behaviors can lead to a disorder called obsessive compulsive disorder, or OCD.  Porn causes obsessive compulsive behavior because it is addictive.  To your brain, porn has the same effects as drugs.  Porn hijacks the reward pathway in the brain.  Just like drugs, you build up a tolerance so you need more porn for the same effects. Withdrawal symptoms can occur when you try and walk away.  Porn changes the way we view real life people, thus making them seem more like sexual objects than real people.  This might help you to understand why you are thinking about and find yourself staring at other peoples' genitals.  When we view porn, it can stick in our brain for a very long time...and it can consume our thoughts.  But, you don't have to be stuck to these thoughts for the rest of your life.  Porn addiction and intrsuive thoughts require rehabilitation, therapy and support.  I'd recommend you check out Porn Addicts Annoymous (PAA), The Fortify Program and get a therapist with knowledge for supporting someone with a porn addiction and intrusive thoughts.  Someone working through instrusive thoughts needs a therapist that is trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or ACT.  Thousands of people have walked away from porn addiction and have been succesful in having less instrusive thoughts!  You can too!

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(LPC-S, LCPC-S, MS)