Ask a therapist > Other > What is the best way to find a therapist to help with religious deconversion/deconstruction?

What is the best way to find a therapist to help with religious deconversion/deconstruction?

I am struggling to find a therapist who can help me process leaving Christianity. I have not been particularly traumatized by religion, but I also just don't buy it anymore. My husband is still very much active in the church, even holding a leadership position. This has caused strain on our marriage & in how to raise our elementary aged children. We both very much still love each other, but this is hard. We've spent most of our married life on the same page and now we have a fundamental difference in how we view the world. I also am struggling with life purpose now that I've given up the purpose that church gave me. I am struggling because I almost instantly lost community when I left. Everyone from church has continued to be kind to me, but I'm not showing up on Sundays and to Bible studies...so I've lost the consistent friendship that I had. I desperately miss community, but I also feel like church friends just don't understand where I am. I can't be vulnerable with that community anymore. I want to find community outside of the church, but I don't know where to turn. Everything else seems meaningless...volunteering for Little League, swimming lessons, etc....it all seems so shallow. I desperately want to feel ok with myself, to be present and patient with my kids and spouse. I want to build community outside of religion, but I feel a little stuck and depressed right now.
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Asked by QuestionEverything
Other
Answered
05/09/2022

In reading your story, it seems there are many issues you are wrestling with aside from leaving your faith. Those issues and additional questions can be processed more when therapy begins. It is difficult when the decision is made to walk away from your original beliefs because so much can be involved in that decision alone--then add the grief you may be experiencing in changing that foundation, sense of community, trust in that community, plus the changes in your marriage and family.

It is a brave step to consider finding guidance and help in this area plus be willing to trust some one to help you in this new chapter. To help find an answer to your original question of needing assistance with religious deconversion/deconstruction, I encourage you to take the time and possibly write down what it is you are looking and hoping for in a therapist. In addition, determine if you are wanting deconversion from faith or the religion tied to the faith or in other words spirituality or the rules tied to the belief system (there can be many perspectives on this topic alone). Some things to consider when choosing a therapist is to consider what helps you build trust in someone, what traits you prefer, if you want someone who validates your perspective consistently only, who may also gently challenge you at times, a mixture of the previous two, do you want someone who is willing to discuss faith/religion, has a similar background, etc.

It is helpful to be up front with what you are looking for as you begin the process of finding a therapist that meets your needs in this journey whether seeking therapy online or in person. This way you may find the right therapist for you and you can begin this new chapter as comfortably as possible. Also know that it is okay for you to change therapists at any time in the process due to any reason that you determine. The decision you have made in regards to faith effects many areas, including significant relationships, and it is wonderful your past community remains kind to you.

You are experiencing a lot of changes, thoughts, and emotions right now-- understandably so. I hope I have helped provide some guidance to you in your original question of how to find a therapist that will meet your needs in this process.

(LCSW)