How to avoid self-sabotage and help to discipline yourself to move forward with goals?

People tend to interrupt their own success for a variety of reasons.  So, the first step in achieving the goals you have set forth is to acknowledge the reason you are engaging in self-sabotage type behaviors.  This is the Self-Awareness aspect of determining where the procrastination or perfectionism behaviors are coming from in terms of childhood difficulties, fear, unhealthy beliefs with work or relationships, or lack of development of coping skills.  Look for the patterns in your life.  Often, it might be easier to emotionally sabotage or avoid rather than it is to reach a goal that you may have been told you would never reach.  If you are aware and conscious of the objects/activities or temptations that lead to self-sabotage, then you can begin to remove them from your life. 

A common factor with procrastination behaviors is lack of self-regulation.  This can be because of too much freedom, lofty or unrealistic timeline related goals, or too many distractions.  A giant goal can feel overwhelming, so in order to have consistency with self, it's important to develop smaller and achievable goals that will ultimately lead to the long-term goal/achievement.  This is where "Creating a Plan' comes into place.  It is almost always helpful to write the plan out, so that you have a tangible plan to refer back to in moments of avoidance. Small incremental changes that continue to build upon one another is the path to overcoming self-sabotaging behaviors.  You can begin with a schedule full of things that you are already accomplishing in a day or week, and track them to train the brain towards achievement and success.  Make sure that you have them on a calendar or To-Do list where you can check the boxes once completed.  As the consistency builds, add 1 or 2 more difficult challenges to your routine or towards your goals. 

For example, if getting back into physical shape is the long-term goal, the 1st step would be to schedule 15 minutes one day a week to engage in a physical activity.  It is helpful to plan in advance and allot the time on a schedule, sometimes with an alarm as a reminder that it is time to step away from the distractions and to focus on the small task.  Setting a new short-term goal of going to a gym 5 days a week, when you are just starting out, is unrealistic and a set-up for sabotage.  What you'll find is as you schedule and dedicate the 15 minutes instead, you'll want to stay with it and complete a longer duration of minutes.  Add a notation to your calendar/To-Do list that again trains the brain to the reward of not only accomplishing the task, but also doing a tad bit extra.  With the same example, as long as you follow-through on the 15 minutes, you have achieved your goal.  Also, take the time to acknowledge and congratulate yourself for achieving the 15 minutes...extra time or effort is not needed for achievement. The following week, step it up and add two 15-minutes scheduled times to the calendar.  Continue to add and build in a way where you do not overwhelm your system, but that you are slowly building in duration and intensity. This system can be applied to a variety of situations and overall goal setting.

It is also important to allow yourself to have setbacks.  If you find yourself frequently starting over, then 1. it is a sign that the short-term goal may be too lofty and 2. a new goal can be set to allow for missteps or "days off".   That's when you refer back to the beginning of this message and repeat the acknowledgement phase and the plan phase.  Acknowledging that you did not complete your short-term goal and that is okay and forgivable, but also then sitting back down to solution focus on modifying the goals into something you feel is more achievable to accomplish as a short-term goal.

Both CBT and DBT modalities of therapy or coaching are also helpful.  CBT will help with recognizing and relieving the cognitive distortions.  A CBT trained therapist can help with replacing negative thought patterns and building new achievable healthy goals.  A DBT trained therapist will help with teaching skills for emotional management and working with concerns that involve intense emotions.