Are attachment styles irreversible?

Attachment styles are based on attachment theory, which suggests that our bonds and relationships with early caregivers shape how we understand ourselves in relationship to others. Attachment is thought to inform how we connect with others in relationships. Our earliest bonds may shape how we view relationships and the safety of relying on or connecting with other people. Still, we also gain new information from relationships we have as we age. The ideas we have about relationships continue to be shaped as we experience different relationships throughout life.

As adults, our attachment is influenced not just by our early relationships with caregivers but also by relationships we form with others into adulthood. In our earliest years, we are focused on our caregivers because they are who meet our needs. Food, shelter, and emotional safety are things we rely on parents or early caregivers for. As we grow, peers, colleagues, and romantic partners influence how we view attachment. Our earliest relationships may serve as a positive foundation for stability and safety, or they may be a source of insecurity and fear. These patterns may repeat, and they may also change as they’re informed by relationships we have later in life.

There are four types of attachment styles, with the secure attachment being the healthiest. Even someone with a secure attachment style may have related experiences in adulthood that change the sense of security they have, just as someone with an insecure attachment style may have exposure to healthy relationships and learn things that enable them to change in their attachment style becoming more secure.

It’s important to remember that attachment is just one factor in how we learn to view the world, others, ourselves, and relationships. Finding and noticing patterns in relationships can be helpful. You may notice a pattern that can be explored, learned from, and help you to make good choices in the future or lead to deeper self-understanding.

If you’ve noticed an upsetting pattern in your adult relationships or are less than satisfied with them, speaking with a therapist can help you determine the influence of attachment, how your attachment was shaped, and what can help you create better relationships in the future.