Are attraction and desire the same thing?

The short answer is that attraction and desire are two related concepts but are not inherently the same. Attraction refers to the involuntary feeling that one experiences when one begins to “like” someone. There are many different types of attraction. Physical attractions (attraction based on someone’s physical traits and appearance), sexual attraction (attraction based on someone’s appeal to another person), romantic attraction (attraction based on the potential desire to pursue a romantic relationship with a person), emotional attraction (attraction based on someone’s personality), and even aesthetic attractions (attraction solely based on a person’s outwards “aesthetic” or appearance) are among the most common.

Desire refers to the “want” for something to happen. Just as there are different kinds of attraction, there are different types of desire. Typically, desire differs based on what kind of outcome a person wants when they start cultivating a longing associated with a desire. For example, if someone wants a sexual relationship to occur between themselves and someone else, then this could be classified as a form of “sexual desire.”  In the case of attraction, desire specifically relates to the want that someone will have to determine whether they will form a relationship with someone. This relationship does not have to be specifically romantic or sexual. Sometimes, people experience emotional attraction and enough desire for a friendship that they will want to pursue a platonic relationship with someone. Typically, the strength of the desire will impact how much “effort” someone will implement in moving forward with said attraction.

Both of these concepts can occur simultaneously or can be mutually exclusive, depending on the situation. Since there are different types of attraction and different facets of desire, each situation is unique and complicated as to how these two ideas will interact with one another. Someone might have an emotional attraction to someone that feels more in line with desiring a friendship. Or, someone might have a strong physical attraction, and their desire is only to engage in a sexual/physical relationship with a person and nothing more. Still, further, someone might have a romantic attraction to a person but not desire pursuit of a relationship due to their life circumstances.