Are there tools to help me open up?

Hi there, thank you so much for your question here. 

This is not only a very good question but also deserves a very layered answer. In order to be profound, I will discuss a few different topics to further support a sufficient answer.

I first want to cover the topic of your struggle with opening up to your loved ones. As a trauma informed counselor, I really like to look at the history of my clients. It's really important to know where this is coming from. For the most part, some individuals learn to close up and bottle up emotions and thoughts. What we do with this information is really understand how it became a way for you to guard your heart, so to speak. I would encourage you to think about what idea you have around this difficulty and what you might be avoiding as a product of bottling up or numbing out. 

A really important topic to cover here is your needs. Yes, needs! You have them! Everyone is familiar with the five love languages: physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and gifts. --But what about being listened to, feeling seen, feeling understood, and receiving emotional support? You have these needs as a human. You are not an exception. Thinking of ways to honor these needs will come from recognizing you even have needs. 

Your mood is going to be negatively affected by many factors. I always like to tell people to explore the hierarchy of needs: Physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging needs, self-esteem, and self-actualization. That said, let us explore the topic on physiological needs for a short moment. Your mood can be very much affected by many factors that are found in these physiological needs. A lot of individuals overlook the importance of good sleep, hygiene, having a balanced diet, making sure to intake vitamins to avoid deficiencies, etc. The mind and body are very much connected, so ruling out physiological concerns for mood can really help. (e.g. hormones, thyroid, deficiencies, sleep-related disturbances) Please do not overlook the importance of these fundamental needs. Taking care of yourself it's not just through the typical pop culture view of "Self Care." It is not bubble baths and clay face masks, but rather a routine around your day to nurture these life areas that promote mental, emotional and physical wellness. Please do not underestimate this.

As a final point that I would like for you to think about, I want to start by answering how to communicate more effectively. A good counselor will help you gain insight into new, and more effective communication styles and techniques. There's absolutely no way that you and your loved ones, especially your partner, can go on in life without proper communication. Even when there is no conflict taking place, communication is the only way to bridge the gap on a day-to-day level. Communication is meant to be intentional, promote listening, and meant to increase a sense of emotional safety. Increasing the quality of conversation can be a great way to practice new skills. There can be resentment that builds up when our words are not said. Take a risk and bridge the gap when you have cooled down your mood and are ready to connect.

I want to finalize this answer by supporting your pursuit of growth in this area. Growing in this area will bring about better communication, opportunities to meet your need, fulfillment, and overall emotional health.