How can I control jealousy and anger at the same time because the thing is giving me hard time?

Having a relationship with someone is one of the most difficult things we as humans ever do.   There is so much going on between our brain, mind and body when we enter a relationship.  There is also a lot that is not said between partners - 'mind-reading' instead or talking often happens, especially in the early part of a relationship.  I sense that the cheating of your partner is causing you to feel hurt.  That hurt is something that is not in your conscious control.  It is telling you that your partner's behaviour is threatening you in some way.  Not necessarily physically threatened, but emotional threats are just as dangerous or painful.  You feel unhappy, or perhaps you feel insecure or not safe, for example.

The type of relationship you have with someone often reflects the relationships you have had in the past.  Not just the romantic relationships but also the earliest relationship with your parents or care-givers.

This current relationship feels like it is so important that you want to find a way to stop yourself feeling those hurt emotions - like jealousy.  But emotions are really wonderful things!

An emotion is a message from inside you that is telling you to do something, or even to stop doing something.  Joy and contentment tell you to do more of that thing.  If sitting by the sea makes you feel happy then you will do it more. Whilst fear and anger tell you to fight or run away.  Jealousy is your body and mind trying to tell you that you are not safe, that there is something to fear.  So that emotion says, "run away from the thing that is making you jealous".  It can be very confusing to feel love for someone at the same time as your body is telling you to run away.

When I work with people in difficult relationships I start by helping you to learn how to understand your emotions; where they started; how to recognise them; and how to be ok with them - past, present and future.  If you ignore the jealousy and try to push your hurt feelings away then they stay inside you - they don't go away.  And the only way your body can control these shut away feelings is to let them out in some other way - like getting angry with yourself, or other people, perhaps - or even to shut down - you might become numb and depressed, for example, feeling like you are separate from the rest of the world.

More than anything I would help you try to see that you are a worthwhile, important person.  And, if I can treat you like that then you can gradually start to learn how to treat yourself as worthy and important.  Relationships work best when both people in that relationship feel contented, secure and happy - they are both getting what they want and need.  You can learn how to do this by healing past and present hurt, not by squashing your pain down into yourself.

My work is trauma-informed and compassion-focussed with people who are in difficult relationships.