How can I get over this breakup?

It sounds like this break-up has been something tough to process for you. Break-ups can take some time for people to process especially if our partner was someone that we really cared about or loved. I can imagine not really getting an explanation as to why your partner's feelings changed is also very unsettling. It sounds like you tried to communicate with your partner, but it sounds like they were not able to do the same with you. And I can imagine that is a lot to process and a lot to try to understand. And emotions can become so intense as you try to interpret everything. And unfortunately, this can sometimes lead to tuning out these difficult emotions as we may not know how to cope with them.

Unfortunately, there are a few reasons why someone may end a relationship. Sometimes people may interpret someone's actions as intentional and that may feel very triggering for the individual. For instance, if a partner makes a joke about something that makes us uncomfortable, we may feel like the person is intentionally trying to make us angry or hurt us. When in reality, the person may not even realize that it's hurtful to their partner or that stopping it would help them get along again. Sometimes people really struggle with communication and may struggle being open and honest with their partner. For some people, it may feel confrontational or difficult to express how they feel. Some people are not used to doing this with others and may not feel comfortable doing so. Thus, it can really bring people apart as they may interpret their behaviors a certain way when in reality, things may not be the way one perceives. But it is really difficult to change or try to make things work if one person is left in the dark and doesn't know what they are doing wrong.

Sometimes people are not ready to communicate how they feel with others, which may include their partner. Some fear there will be terrible consequences if their partner doesn't understand how they feel. Others may fear that being open about their feelings is too risky as it may require being vulnerable with others. Some people are still trying to figure out how to process their own internal feelings and may not be ready or able to express them to others as a result. Everyone goes through their own journey of personal self-growth at their pace. Depending on where someone is in this process, it can impact their level of emotional availability to others, which can include their partner. This is an individual journey and everyone has to figure this out on their own. Otherwise, the risk is them avoiding communication in difficult situations with loved ones, which can distance us from them.

One of the toughest things for one to come to terms with is not ever really knowing why their partner broke up with them.  We don't have control over what other people do and this make this this process feel even more stressful for us. So we may never truly know the reason why the person broke up with us and that can be unsettling. It can even make us feel guilty as we may blame ourselves for the relationship coming to an end. And when these feelings are so intense or painful, we may even find ways to tune this out. Hence, not feeling anything is a way that your body and mind have managed to cope with intense emotions and thoughts. It may be difficult for us to come to terms with the loss or end of the relationship especially when we don't know exactly why it happened. But we also have to remember that we really cannot make a relationship work if the person failed to communicate with us as to what was bothering them. Sometimes we may not realize it, but the end of a relationship can result in grief as we no longer have access to the individual or the relationship has come to an end. Thus, the feelings of grief, which can include denial, sadness, anger, bargaining, and acceptance, can happen to individuals, who have experienced a break-up. So finding closure in your own way can be quite healing. 

There are a few book recommendations after a break-up that can be helpful in navigating your own journey while grieving the break-up and processing it. These books include:

1. Slight Edge by Jeff Olson 

2. The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

3. It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken by Greg Behrendt

4. How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Petter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield, & Melba Colgrove

If you need some additional support, you can also start your own mental health services with a counselor to process the loss or end of the relationship. Best of luck to you on your journey to heal.