How can I let myself be more vulnerable in dating/early stages of dating?

Good morning there, My name is Joanna and I am a counselor here at BetterHelp. I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to send us your question which I have read closely.

I am so glad that you have found a person that you have an interest in, it must feel wonderful to be in the first few weeks of meeting a new person, it truly is a magical part of the relationship and one I would really focus on.

I think you are being sensible in asking the questions around how vulnerable should we be in the beginnings of dating. I think that this could be an important part of getting to know the other person and an action you may thank yourself for later on in your relationship. It can be so easy to overshare with another person as we want them to know all about us as we want to know all about them.

I think what could be useful is to explore what vulnerability means for you. Does it mean sharing all areas of your life straight away? I wonder how that would feel for the other person to suddenly get a lot of information about the other. What do they feel they have to do with that knowledge? It could be rather overwhelming to suddenly know personal information about a person that in the beginnings of the relationship is mainly centered around having fun and enjoying yourselves. Sometimes the more personal information can be rather heavy and place an expectation between the pair of you which can be awkward in the beginnings of a relationship. I wonder if it could be best to hold back that really important information until the other person is in a committed relationship with you and feels able to listen with love and respond in a caring way.

I also believe that its during these early days of a relationship building that we are able to see any red flags in the relationship that may become a problem in the future. I do understand that we don't want to look for the problems but I do think that brushing them aside can be troublesome later on in the relationship. I would suggest keeping open eyes, heart and mind during these early days and keep the communications on-going between you. 

You have already begun to show vulnerability by even having these discussions so I would allow it to continue at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you and enjoy this time together slowly getting to know each other.

I do wish you lots of happy days!

Kind regards

Joanna