How can I not be resentful towards a loved one who makes choices I don't agree with?

Hello Renae!

Thank you for submitting your question. I am sorry to hear that you have been experiencing some struggles with your husband. You mentioned that your husband is choosing not to work while taking online classes, while you are also taking online classes and working full time. There seems to be an imbalance. When your husband lost a very prominent job two years ago, is it possible he didn't fully recover from that loss, or is he choosing not to work because of his expectations in what he is looking for? Is he willing to work until he finds something that is a good fit for him to restore the balance in the household? Have you articulated how you feel to him about this? It may help to have a discussion about what your goals are as a married couple including, but not limited to, your financial goals. "What does balance mean to the both of us?" (an example of a goal-oriented question)

While there may be things you don't always agree on as a couple, it is important to recognize what you place value on. If there is something that goes against something you feel strongly about or place value on then it is important to establish boundaries and articulate your feelings and needs. Have you tried to communicate to him in a way that is goal/solution-oriented in nature? These are all questions to consider if you have either a). already talked to him about this or b.) have not talked to him, but want to.  

You also mentioned that you do not want to be resentful towards your husband. By definition resentment is feeling wronged or mistreated by another person. It can build over time if there has been discussion about this, however there has been very little to no change or response from the other person. This is why it is very important to talk this through with your husband. If you are not feeling heard or you feel like you would need an unbiased person involved, therapy is another option. You can choose to do individual therapy and/or marital counseling. Better Help does offer both options. They can connect you with a licensed therapist in your state of residence. Therapy can help you navigate through challenges such as these. 

I do hope you find this information helpful. Again, thank you for submitting your question. Good luck to you!!