How can I stop keeping score?

Hi There,

Thank you for your question. To answer your question fully, I think there may be other circumstances that might be a factor here. Is your significant other very busy during times when you message? Are they generally the type that is not always with their phone? Do they respond quickly to other people compared to yourself? I think it's important to consider all variations if possible so that you are sure you are being fair to your partner. At times it can be easy to judge or condemn our partner if they are not behaving or responding to us in ways that we agree with, but this is not allowing our partners to be themselves, we are telling them they need to think like us.  

This is why I ask, how has your partner behaved before this and how does your partner respond to other people? This will give you an indication of your partner's natural communication style. It will be important to assess this before communicating how you feel. 

When addressing this with your partner, it's important to be careful to remain present with how YOU feel, not how you feel your partner SHOULD be acting. Make sure to communicate calmly and positively and mention to your partner how much you love speaking to them and spending time together. Then you can move on to how it makes you feel when they take a longer time to reply or call back. 

It also depends on how long you have been together and what stage your relationship is in. But with the information you've provided I would recommend the best approach being a calm and positive one and keeping the focus on communicating your need for increased importance and connection with your partner. I would also prepare myself in the event that you don't get the answer you want or an answer you feel is deserving. Try to keep an open mind and also an eye out for other ways that your partner may express their feelings for you or reach out to you for connection. Some people are not typically phone people but will travel far and wide to see you face to face if needed.