How can you learn to love yourself after you break up with someone you loved deeply?

I broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago and I loved him a lot but I found out that the love was one sided because he got a new girlfriend 2 weeks after we broke up. I can't help but miss him even now and I don't know how to love myself and move on from him. I know I'll find someone again soon but it's hard to cope with the loneliness despite having friends and family that love me...it's just not the same.
Asked by HB
Answered
02/02/2023

Hi, after a break up, it can be really difficult to find yourself again. Often times, we get so wrapped up in the other person and what's going on in the relationship that we lose ourselves and some of the things that make us, us. I would definitely recommend spending some time journaling about the relationship and how you're feeling now that it has ended. Getting your feelings out on paper (and sometimes crying it out) can be really therapeutic and can allow you the time and space to process your feelings a bit. The questions you'll want to get yourself comfortable with is "what did I learn from this relationship?", "what is the world teaching me", "what did this boyfriend teach me?". It might be that you learned how important it is to maintain your independence and self-esteem in a relationship, or that you need to take relationships just a little slower. It might be that you're still upset with yourself or your ex for an incident or the way that you treated each other, but it might also be that you just need some time to come back to yourself and move on from the break up. 

Give yourself some grace and time. Don't put pressure on yourself by giving a timeline or anything like that. It's important for you to feel the sad emotions just as much as you feel the happy ones. Take all the time you need to process the loss of the relationship and that person in your life. Think about what you'd do differently next time. And then spend some time thinking about the things that make you happy. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and try some new things that might make you feel happy or alive. Spend some time with family, get to know yourself, your values, your passions. Switch around some of that negative self talk that usually beats you up and makes life worse, to some more positive exciting self-talk. Read new things, eat new things, spend time with friends, invest in yourself, and you'll get better day by day. Journaling throughout the journey will help you to see how far you've come and appreciate the journey back to your better self.

I know you can do it. Trust the process.