How do I balance between taking care of myself and making my husband happy when I can’t do both

Thank you for reaching out, Joey.  I think the first thing that came to mind when reading this question was ‘what is your self-care and when do you have chance to prioritisz it?’ 

To make your husband your first priority, should be a given in marriage, however, it doesn’t mean neglecting you, work, things you love etc.  It means you need to make sure your husband knows you value them more than other things and people.  Putting your husband first starts with a desire to see them happy, at peace and connected, and this should be reciprocated.   Taking care of yourself shouldn’t be reserved for those few and far between times, it should be a daily practice.

Having an effective self-care routine has been shown to have a number of important health benefits. Some of these are; reducing anxiety, depression, burnout, stress and improving resilience, happiness, energy and creating stronger interpersonal relationships.  It feels like your husband views self-care as a luxury, rather than a priority.

It's important to assess how you and your husband are caring for yourselves in several different domains so you can ensure you're caring for your mind, body, and spirit.  There are many forms self-care can take. It could be ensuring you get enough sleep every night or stepping outside for a few minutes for some fresh air. The main types of self-care are; physical, spiritual, mental, social and emotional.

Your marriage should feel like a partnership, where both parties are making an equal effort. When it feels uneven, this is where the problems start to occur and communication is key.  Maybe discussing what you both need and establishing expectations in your relationship need to be readdressed.  New habits and routines could be created together.  There needs to be an element of understanding and paying attention to each other’s needs and be respectful of both parties’ time and thoughts on the matter. Letting each other into the bigger picture and supporting each other could create understanding of what each other needs and helping the other to achieve that.  For example, if you want to spend some time reading is there something your husband enjoys that he can do; gardening, cooking, playing on a game?

It feels as though if you are not having your alone time or self-care then he would not be getting the person he fell in love with. Self-care and some independence in a marriage is a must to continue to be the best version of yourself and to continue to make them feel and be the most important person in your life.