How do I deal with the aftermath of an emotional affair?

It sounds like you are still processing this revelation of your spouse having an emotional affair. I can imagine that was quite devastating to find out. And depending on how that conversation went with your spouse, it can definitely cause some trust issues between the two of you. Many factors can play a role on how you are processing it too. For instance, how you find out about the affair, how long it has been going on for, and if it had ever happened before can all play a role as to how you feel about it now. Depending on the amount of effective communication (between you two) after you found out about the affair can also make a difference in how you feel.

It sounds like this affair has shaken you up to the point where you are starting to feel insecure about the relationship and about yourself. And that's completely understandable especially if you two intended to be in a monogamous relationship. Thus, it makes sense that you would feel anxiety as he violated your trust. And feeling like you cannot trust someone or unsure if you can trust them is not a fun thing to feel. So it is important to sit with that especially as you continue to process.

So it sounds like you have made a decision to work things out in your relationship. How does he feel about your decision and what are his relationship goals? Have you two had a conversation about the infidelity? Like what led your partner to seek an emotional relationship with someone else? What steps is he taking now to gain your trust back? Depending on the answers to these questions, these things can help you slowly feel more comfortable in the relationship. But if you two have not talked about it or discussed what plan he is taking to change things, then I can see how you would feel anxious. Anxiety comes from feeling uncertain about what will come. Although we cannot predict what the future will bring, people's actions and plans can help relieve some of that stress. These conversations can be quite uncomfortable for couples to have understandably so, but this does not mean that they shouldn't take place because of this.

There are many reasons why people may seek emotional affairs with other people outside of their marriage. Sometimes they may feel like their partner doesn't understand them or isn't meeting their needs. Exploring what went wrong can help you both find ways to mend the relationship rupture. And it is important that you both meet each others needs for you to both feel more confident and secure in the relationship. It is possible to move forward in a relationship after infidelity, but it is going to take some time and restructuring in order for you both to feel better about everything. Otherwise, the possible consequence will be that you will continue to feel higher levels of anxiety.

There are some support groups out there for partners who experience infidelity in their marriage. Sometimes it can be helpful to speak to others who are going through similar emotions that you are as it can help you feel validated and that you are not alone in feeling anxiety. And sometimes it can get so bad for people that they start to feel less worthy about themselves as they may internalize the infidelity. And speaking and/ or listening to others can help some people move forward. In addition, listening to how other couples were able to move forward can help you find your own way to move forward on your own terms.

There are some great books out there, such as Beyond Boundaries by John Townsend, The New Monogamy by Tammy Nelson, or Healing From Infidelity by Michele Weiner that can help guide you in this process to heal. If you feel like you need more support, you can also explore seeking your own mental health counseling services. In addition, considering couples' counseling can work greatly in addition to your own individual counseling. Best of luck to you in your process to heal.