How do I fix self sabotage?

Hi Spades.  It is great to hear that you are in a healthy relationship now but we can sometimes sabotage ourselves.  It is hard to not think of past relationships especially when we have been hurt by them.  It is true that sometimes people can bring the best and worst parts of ourselves. It can be scary at times as we may be triggered by our partner's behavior, actions or comments that remind us of our past.  Sometimes our memories of our past can interfere with our present relationships and it is important to stay present in the moment.  By staying present in the moment allows us to not sabotage our relationship.  I also think that it can be a lot of work to be in a relationship and it can be overwhelming and stressful.  It is important to recognize when you are doing things to sabotage as it can be destructive to your healthy relationship.  When we are able to think before we take action it allows us more time to recognize the sabotaging behaviors.  

Relationships take hard work and dedication which can be overwhelming and stressful at times.  Sometimes we have to heal from past traumatic relationships as they can get in the way of healthy relationships.  We need to think about despite being triggered by situations, to recognize that triggers are not the reality of your current relationship.  

We learn from our first relationship, which is our parents, how to be in a relationship and some of us do not how to be in a healthy one.  We learn how to communicate within our families and some of our families have generational issues to overcome.  Sometimes we tend to attract unhealthy partners due to what we are exposed to.  It is not like someone actively is thinking they want to be in an unhealthy relationship but if we are not aware of the direction it is going it has a great possibility of becoming unhealthy.  It takes time and patience to be actively present in the moment as this can help to prevent from sabotaging your relationship.  Good luck and remember it is about staying present in the moment :)