How do I get over feeling like I’m not good enough for family and friends?

Dear Scott,

 

I am so sorry to hear you have experienced a lack of support from your family and friends. It can be challenging to feel like no one wants to be there for you, and it can take a toll on your self-worth. 

Your self-esteem is low, and even though your parents are worried about you, you feel pressured by them. 

Understandably, you feel anxiety because you are made to feel that you have a specific look or personality. Unfortunately, you have been facing criticism and judgment for not meeting those expectations. It is not easy to feel like you are not good enough or constantly being judged. It is tough when the people supposed to love and support you make you feel this way. Please remember that you are an individual with unique traits and qualities. You do not need to fit into someone else's idea of what you should be. It can be helpful to focus on the things that make you unique and find something you can do to make yourself feel better. 

 

Regarding your best friend, understandably, you feel hurt and alone after falling for her, only to be rejected and have her start dating someone else. It is challenging to deal with such a heartbreaking situation, and it's comprehensible to feel like you are in a bit of a fog. You may have difficulty concentrating and feel lost, confused, and overwhelmed. Finding a way out of this emotional chaos and grief is complicated. You might find it challenging to open up to anyone, but it is crucial to remember that you are not alone in this. It is vital to realize that you can not control how someone else feels about you or how they want to live their life. You can, however, control how you respond to the situation. It is okay to feel angry or sad, but staying stuck in those feelings is not okay and won't help you. 

 

Per what you stated, you have a rather negative self-concept. It cannot be easy to overcome, but it can be done. You owe it to yourself to try to do the best you can with the resources you have. Start by making a conscious effort to recognize the positives in your life and yourself. Acknowledge when you have done something well or accomplished something important. Focusing on your strengths can help you to move past any negative self-talk. You can also surround yourself with positive people who can bring out the best in you. Those who are supportive and encouraging can make a huge difference in boosting your self-esteem. Make sure to take some time each day for self-care. This could mean getting enough sleep. It is crucial to get some exercise. It will help boost your self-esteem by releasing endorphins that will improve your mood and self-confidence. I encourage you to eat nutritious food and do something you enjoy. Eating a balanced diet is essential for staying healthy and keeping your body functioning correctly. Eating well impacts your mood. I suggest avoiding sugar, caffeine, food colorants, and saturated/trans fat. All these things can help improve your overall outlook on life and yourself. 

Do not be afraid to take charge and make changes to your life. Take time for yourself. Make sure to find time to do activities that make you happy and relaxed. This could be anything from reading a book, going to the movies, hiking, starting a new hobby, or taking a bubble bath. Set achievable goals, which are vital for improving your self-esteem. 

 

They should be challenging but relatively easy to promote a sense of accomplishment. When setting a goal, it is good to break it down into smaller, more manageable steps. For example, if your goal is to lose 10 pounds, you could break it down into a goal of losing one pound per week. Doing this helps keep you motivated and gives you a sense of accomplishment as you reach each milestone. It is also important to celebrate your successes and learn from your failures. Celebrate each step on your journey, and be easy on yourself if you reach your goal immediately. Your dreams can help you gain confidence and improve your overall well-being.

 

Improving your self-esteem can be challenging but essential to living a healthy and fulfilling life. It is important to remember to avoid comparison. Comparing yourself to others can lead to feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, and a lack of self-confidence. Comparisons are often made to people with different life experiences, values, and goals, making them an unreliable measure of success or worth. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your journey. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses and recognizing your unique value are crucial elements of self-empowerment. So, rather than comparing yourself to others, focus on your journey, celebrate your successes, and remember your worth. 

 

Focusing on your accomplishments is a great way to stay motivated and proud of the person you are. Taking pride in your actions is essential, no matter the size. Even if the achievement was small, it is still a milestone in your life and should be celebrated. It is crucial to remember that no one can take away the things that you have accomplished. 

 

I encourage you to start therapy to work on these goals. I understand that it can be hard to take the initiative and invest in yourself, but it is crucial to bettering your mental health. Through therapy, you can learn more about yourself, how to manage your emotions, and how to make positive changes in your life. I know that you came to BetterHelp to figure out how to overcome feeling rejected, but I know that you will improve if you meet a clinician. With their help and guidance, you can learn ways to problem-solve, develop coping strategies, and grow as an individual. Furthermore, through therapy, you can gain insight into why you may feel the way you do and create a better understanding of yourself. Therapy can also help you learn how to strengthen your relationships and build better connections with others. 

 

I wish you a great weekend. 

JP