How do i move forward? Do i cut off contact?

Trust and Intimacy

Ending things is possible, but it won't fix what you have going on. Your hurt from eight years ago seems to have manifested into policing both of them. In short, you will burn yourself out or already have. For eight years, you have been living this life this way while missing out on what you need. Growth comes from coping with life stressors and learning who you are in the process. You, though, are distracted by how to keep those two apart. 

My question for you is, what are you doing for yourself? If you hold these relationships together, are they even good for you? What do you need in all of this? Again, you can cut all ties, but you are still left with you who is hurt and have dealt with self-sacrifice for the last eight years. The real question is, not do you cut ties, but what will you do for yourself instead? 

Never "don't do" something. When we say, "I am not going to," that is a negative and leaves a gap that needs to be filled. With your partner and your friend, if you eliminate one, then what are you going to fill that time with? Your partner, of course, they say cut ties, they cheated with your friend, and they want to forget about all that. However, there are consequences to our choices, and your partner's is that they have to face the reality of what they've done. They hurt you, and now both of their behaviors continue to hurt you. 

Please do not think about what to do with them but think about what matters to you and then make decisions according to what matters. Why does it matter if they are apart and you work to keep them apart if they want to be together? If these two would hook up on their own, then neither of them is a friend to you. People who overlook the feelings of others in their life are so selfish, it is hard to realize that other people have feelings, they hurt, and we played a part in that. Selfish people cannot sit with the reality of their choices and continue to put caring people like you in charge of making things better for them. Your partner wants you to cut ties? Well, that is your decision to make, make the best one for yourself. 

Can we move on from people who hurt us? Yes, but you need to not focus on what they bring or don't bring to your life and instead focus on what you need more of in life. Working, school, taking care of children (if any), working out, reading more, and eating less are significant areas of life people work on when they want to make themselves feel better. Like a diet people don't keep, you ghost your friend because deep down you know they aren't good for you and so you don't show up. 

Ask yourself "why" five times when you do something to discover what matters to you. You try to keep the two apart, why, so they don't hurt you, why does that matter, you don't like hurt, why, you think that hurt is a bad emotion, why....and so on. The objective of this exercise is not to focus on the surface layer but to get to the more meaningful (and valued) areas of life to start to love ourselves.