how do I stop with my avoidant attachment habits?

Hello Fresia,

It sounds like some work around self discovery, a deeper look and learning about who you are, and a nurturing to self acceptance and love would really help you!

It would seem you have trouble trusting in any type of relationship maybe because of a lack of self-worth and/or confidence in yourself within relationship. 

By asking this question I feel you are already on a journey to wanting change in your world, the process to change has begun!

It may be a long challenging process but also can be a very fulfilling journey to self discovery and super important for your overall well-being, peace within, and contentment to enter into counseling therapy. It is important to find the right Therapist/Counsellor who will be able to facilitate and guide you at your own pace.

You write 'The loneliness is getting too quite lately' - Being 'lonely' and being 'alone' are very different. Being alone with your thoughts, having time with yourself to embrace and enjoy your own company can be very fulfilling but being lonely is very hard and often sad and painful. Having someone or others to confide in or spend quality time with adds richness to our worlds.

Allowing others in however is very difficult if in the past you have experienced being hurt, being left, been rejected, ignored, not accepted! We will avoid making the same mistake again. Can you relate to this Fresia? Think about your past, what have you experienced? This will give you an insight into why you struggle to find friends and form good lasting relationships.

I would love to help you find a way through your avoidance of attachments and loneliness to healthy attachments, if you feel I am the right Counsellor for you. If not there are many wonderful therapists within the BetterHelp community that are there to help. it may be that you need to do a little research first to find a good match for you Fresia.

A way through this will be to spend time identifying the harmful thought patterns and behaviors, and finding ways to better understanding why they happen and undoing them. Therapy will help introduce a way to replace the avoidance of attachment with problem solving techniques and build confidence, resulting in stronger bonds without the fear of failure.

I hope this answer has gone a little way to help you?

Whatever you decide, I wish you well!

Take care Fresia.

Gina Kelly