How do you get over a breakup with a narcissist?

Hello Virginia,

It is very nice to meet you. Thank you for taking the time to reach out with your question. You ask a wonderful question. I am very sorry to hear that you have been struggling with the hurt and pain of this breakup.

Emotional abuse at the hands of someone we love can be especially difficult to recover and heal from. 

If you and I were working together in therapy, I would want to know more about this relationship and what happened. Narcissists are well know to cause pain and hurt within their relationships, as you have unfortunately had experience with. They often have an insatiable need to be in control and have a great deal of difficulty if they lose that control. They often enjoy when others are hurting or sad. Often times a break up with someone who is narcissistic is traumatic and can feel gut wrenching. You are hurting right now, you loved him and know he is with someone new. Be kind to yourself. This is a process and will take time. Be gentle and do not expect too much, too soon. 

I would encourage you to think about the reasons why it is better and healthier for you to not be with him. You might try writing out a reasons that it is better to not be with him. Remind yourself of these negatives when you are feeling sad. 

Also, remember to practice self care. It is so important that you are taking care of yourself and attending to your needs; proper nutrition, proper sleep, personal hygiene, etc. When you are hurting, reach out to those in your support network. This may include friends, coworkers, family, neighbors, etc. 

I would also encourage you to not reach out to him. Someone who has been emotionally abusive craves that attention. While you do not have control over what he did or how he treated you, you do have absolute control over how you react and respond to these things.

I hope that you have found this information helpful and I wish you all the best moving forward in your life.