How do you get over infidelity in a marriage when your spouse knows it affected you so much as a kid

First of all, I want to commend you for your bravery to reach out to share your feelings. I validate the pain and the hurt that you have expressed.

I'll start by stressing that forgiveness is not an easy task. When you decided to reconcile with your husband, you made a choice to forgive, not only did you decide to forgive, but to let go of the resentment, and to show him compassion. However, at the point that you made the choice to forgive, your feelings, emotions, and thoughts were not yet aligned with your choice to forgive. Therefore, you have days of despair, possibly anger, hurt, bitterness, etc. In order for healing to take place, you have to pull back the layers of what caused the hurt, express it, feel it, and acknowledge it without judgment. The infidelity possibly caused emotional trauma which can change your outlook on how you view yourself, others, and the world. It is so important to understand that we often try to protect ourselves by forgetting painful events or minimizing their emotional significance. In order to work through any traumatic events, you must face it. What have you done to cope with your feelings of hurt during the down time? Journaling your thoughts is a great way to express your emotions. 

I encourage you and your husband to continue attending marriage counseling.   

Additionally, I would like to share some practical tips for coping after infidelity.

• First, there must be full transparency and disclosure about the infidelity before healing can begin.
• Next, it is important to understand the cause of the infidelity.
• Then, it is vital that you begin to become more attune with your emotions to be able to become more aware of any triggers or stressors surrounding the infidelity.
• Finally, you have been impacted in a great way, and you must be allowed the time to grieve the hurt, the disappointment, the betrayal, etc. 

You must give yourself grace. The pain that was inflicted upon you will take some time to heal. Please know that the process of forgiving is a choice, but the healing of your emotions, thoughts, and feelings will take time. It will not happen over night. Take your time, without judgment to process your feelings and do the work to obtain complete healing for your marriage.