How do you go about rekindling physical intimacy after your spouse has had an affair?

Hi, thanks so much for reaching out!

First, it is really great that you and your husband are working together on rebuilding your trust in your relationship and recovering from the affair.  It takes a lot of courage and inner strength to do that, and you should be proud of yourself.

There are definitely different components to recovering from an affair, and the physical aspect is definitely one of them.  There is the emotional piece, the trust piece, the forgiveness piece, all that eventually need to tie in and get back to the baseline, or at least your new baseline of what your marriage is going forward.  But the physical piece is unique, as it involves the very act of what caused this in the first place.  It may very well be the last piece of the puzzle you need to put together to get to full recovery, but also may be the most difficult for you.  Most importantly, you need to be honest in your communication as to how you feel to your husband.  Tell him what is triggering and why, and how you are feeling in the moment as certain things come to mind or are tied intimately between the two of you.  Also, don't be afraid to take things slow.  Intimacy is more than just the act of sex; take time to go through the motions and get to a place where you are comfortable.  Spend quality time together in an intimate setting, focus on physical touch, and go from there.  You will hopefully in turn be able to get to a place where intimacy is comfortable again. 

It is also extremely important that you give yourself time and grace while you are working through this.  There is no timeline, no set "answer" as to how long it should take you to work through this or be ready for intimacy again.  There is no right or wrong; it is only dictated by your level of comfort and trust with the situation.  So make sure you are giving yourself the time you need.

I wish you all the best, and please feel free to reach out in the future if you need anything!