How do you start to heal after a partner cheats?

Hello Jg, 

Thank you for your question. I'm so sorry that you are struggling with healing after your partner cheated on you three years ago. 

Infidelity in a relationship can make it hard to feel like you can trust in him like you once were able to do. We all need to feel secure with our partners. Life can be challenging and we all need that at least one personal connection that we can feel both assured in and vulnerable in.

When trust is broken it can take a very long time to recover from the hurt and the pain, the goal is to one day be happy with the other person in our lives and to feel safe that they have our hearts in their hands. 

Trust can often be thought of as the bedrock of a relationship. We all need to feel like our partner will keep us from harm, not lead us into harms' way. 

It is very good that you are reaching out for help and guidance in this challenging time for yourself. Getting support from an outside person can help you process all emotions and questions and any self-doubt that you might be feeling.

It's particularly important not to isolate your time of grief and bewilderment, your partner should be prepared to walk you through all the questions that you may have, time and time again.

You may be asking for the same information from them, and that is alright because when they can provide you with the answers you need to hear in a loving and kind way then you can regain some of the trust back by knowing your partner is committed and willing to work things out with you.

This will also give you the opportunity to assess if this is the right relationship for you. Once you have gained all the information that you needed from your partner, you can begin to see how the future together can either rebuild or have thoughts about it potentially breaking down again.  

Try not to self blame, often when someone is cheated on they worry they may not be enough, part of your healing process is remembering how remarkable you already are, and focusing on all the wonderful things that you do bring to the table, and continuing to focus on the things and the people outside of the relationship that interest you, friends, hobbies, work education, so as to have a full rounded life.

I hope you find all the answers that you are seeking so that you can one day feel able to heal and to trust, both in yourself and in the relationships closest to you. 

Kind regards, 

Dr Hanson