How do you stop feeling attached to someone?

Thank you for reaching out. It sounds as though you have strong feelings for this other girl. It may be difficult to do but perhaps speaking with her in person may be the best solution. If you think about it, the current situation is not fair to you, your current girlfriend, or even the other girl.

If you are sure this other girl who you have strong feelings for does not feel the same for you then you will need to move on and what I mean is to accept the reality of the situation. Sometimes in order for some to do just this, you may need to cut off communication or set a boundary with this other girl for a while or indefinitely. Being able to accept the reality of the situation also means one must accept and learn to accept themselves as well. 

There are different ways to practice self-acceptance including acceptance commitment therapy (ACT) in which you learn ways to not only self-accept but to cope better in accepting the reality of situations. Some of these ways include mindfulness and being in the present by asking yourself what is it that you really want. You can do this by meditation, journaling, etc., or something that feels good to you to help you express yourself. There are also apps like Calm, and Headspace that may help with this.

You mentioned attachment and sometimes based on our own individual childhood interpersonal experiences we continue to have dysfunctional relationships. This brings up further difficulties within a relationship such as boundaries and co-dependency. There are three main types of attachment styles: secure(healthy), insecure (anxious), and withdrawn (avoidant). You may want to become more familiar with these and learn more about them so you know what kind of attachment you tend to have and look for in relationships. 

Lastly, in order to better or improve relationships, one must improve their relationship with self. We can do this by increasing our self-esteem and there are different ways to do that. One of the ways is encouraging positive self-dialogue and there are others to help. We can discuss this further in a session if you would like to talk more about ways that may help you through this overall situation. 

Thank you.

Dr. Mary