How far can I trust, what can I tell you? how does this work best?

Hi Parent,

 

I am glad that you brought up the important issue of trust.  Almost all theories of counseling require that the counselor try to build trust with the client.  Almost nothing positive will happen in the session unless the client trusts the counselor.  Basically, without trust, the counseling session is worthless.  Counseling is a two way street.  The counselor can work to help develop the trust of the client, but the client has to meet the counselor halfway.  Trust not only allows the client to be more open and giving with the counselor but also trust gives confidence to the counselor to tell the client the necessary honest things to change his or her life. The counselor needs the trust of the client just as much as the client needs the trust of the counselor for both of them to have free expression. Counselors who refuse to tell the truth to their clients have guaranteed that the clients will never sufficiently trust him or her to have much success in the counseling process.  Free expression by both the counselor and the client is not only a necessary step of the counseling process but also become the outcome of trust.  

 

The first ingredient of the counseling process to have trust is for the counselor to have some empathy for the client.  Empathy is not sympathy.  Empathy is also not justification.  Empathy is saying that if the facts had been different than maybe the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings of the client would have been different.  No two people see the world the same.  We all see the world based on our previous experiences.  Because we all have different previous experiences, we all have to see the world differently.  When a counselor can start to have empathy for a client, the counselor can start to work toward the second ingredient of accepting the client.  

 

The second ingredient of the counseling process to have trust is for the counselor to accept the client.  Accepting the client does not mean accepting the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings of the client.  In fact, it is just the opposite.  When the counselor truly accepts the client, the counselor stops trying to change the client and allows the client to change him or herself.  As long as the counselor does not accept the client, the client will feel content to not have to examine his or her behaviors, thoughts, and feelings.  The client must be the one to examine his or her behaviors, thoughts, and feelings, and the counselor is the one who is responsible for accepting the client as he or she is today.  By having defined roles in the counseling relationship, the counselor and the client will start to have honesty in the counseling relationship.  

 

The third ingredient of the counseling process to have trust is to have honesty in the relationship.  If either the counselor or the client thinks that either one is not being honest, the trust will not form.  The empathy, acceptance, and honesty of the facts start the trust process, but the counselor must emphasize attitude over technique. 

 

In the state of Texas, the LCDC board demands that the counselor supervisors teach a one hour session on KSA to all new drug and counselor interns.  KSA stands for knowledge, skill and attitude.  A good counselor at any level must have attitude.  Though attitude generally has a negative meaning, it can also have a very positive meaning to it.  A positive attitude for the counselor starts to get formed when the counselor feels free to express the necessary truths about the life of the client.  Free expression by the counselor starts the counselor to have a positive attitude.  The counselor must then develop empathy and honesty.  Free expression by the counselor is not the same thing as honesty.  While honesty refers more to the facts of the situation about the client, free expression by the counselor means that the counselor feels comfortable talking about the important things to the client.  Once the counselor gets a positive attitude, then the trust process must go to change.  

 

Without change, the counseling relationship is again worthless.  While most people think that the client has to be the only one to change, the counselor must also be willing to change.  This includes for the counselor to admit when he or she is wrong.  Being able to admit when a counselor is wrong is one form of change.  The majority of the change must come from the client.  When some clients say to me that they want a better life, but they do not want to change, I have to giggle under my breathe.  A better life can only be achieved by change, but many clients don’t sufficiently trust the counselor to try to change, and sometimes the counselor is to blame for failing to be honest enough with the client about the client’s shortcomings.  When a counselor lies by omission to the client, the counselor has practically guaranteed that the client will not change.  

 

Therefore, trust in the counseling relationship has many factors of free expression by the counselor, the counselor showing empathy to the client, the counselor accepting the client as he or she is, the counselor displacing honesty about the fact of the client’s life, the counselor developing a positive attitude, and finally the client starts to make the necessary changes to his or her life without the counselor forcing the client to do this.  Trust may be a complicated issue, but that is what professional counselors are paid to do.   

 

Paul Teska, LPC + LCDC