If I’ve just been cheated on, do I need therapy for me or only as a couple?

The type of therapy that you would most benefit from really depends on you and your goals. If your goal is to work on the relationship and finding ways to work through the cheating, then couple's counseling is a great way to work on this. But if there is doubt on your end as to whether or not you want to continue in this relationship, it can be helpful to consider your own therapy as well. Couples counseling can be done congruently (when you decide the time is right) as you try to figure it out. But when it doubt, it never hurts to consider your own as well. Also, something to keep in mind is if your partner is interested and wants to commit to couples counseling.

It sounds like you are trying to figure out whether your partner is trustworthy. I can see how that would be difficult to navigate especially after infidelity. Sometimes it can be helpful to consider a couple things as you try to explore it. For instance, has he cheated before? Did he share what led him to cheat? What will be done differently depends on what is his plan so that he won't feel like he wants to cheat again. And sometimes when you don't get clear answers to these questions, it can feel very uneasy to see what will change if this isn't discussed. For instance, a partner who has cheated on a partner may decide to go to therapy for purposes of exploring what led them to cheat, how to prevent it, and if other supports are needed to help with triggers. Changing any type of behavior is an adjustment and can take some time to figure out. They need to better understand what they did wrong in order to change it. But if they can't figure it out or understand what led to it, it may be very difficult to change something that they don't even understand themselves.

Depending on how your partner chooses to navigate this journey, you can decide what it means to you. If you see that he puts in the effort to try to change or communicate more effectively, you may be inclined to want to work it out. But if you don't feel like you have his support or don't see the effort, this may change the way you feel about the relationship. And figuring this out in your own counseling is absolutely appropriate and understandable. You and your therapist can discuss pros and cons about the relationship as well as help you better understand what you want to go moving forward. 

I understand that the possibility of a break-up can be a lot to process. But it doesn't mean that you can't or won't get through it. And learning to navigate how we can get through this process can be something helpful to navigate alone or with your therapist. If you decide to go this route (in breaking up), it is possible to find healthy ways to cope with it and move forward. There are definitely ways to manage it, but may just require some readjustment in your goals and time management. In addition, this would be a time when you can lean on others in your support system as you process the break-up. If you feel like you need more supportive people around, this would be a good opportunity to explore a support group that focuses on processing break-ups or grief. 

Figuring it all out can take some time and it is important that you think about what is best for you. It may not feel very clear right now, but doing some self-exploration can help you better understand how you want to move forward. There are some great self-help books out there that discuss managing infidelity in relationships or figuring out if you want to continue in relationships. If you feel like you need more support, you can reach out to a therapist to work through some of this stuff to get the answers that you are looking for. And finally, couples counseling can also be something that you can explore with your partner if you two choose to work it out.

Best of luck to you on your journey to heal.