Is bipolar linked to insecurities issues in relationships.

Hi EE,

     It is very common for a person entering into a relationship to experience insecurities.  It is also very common for those insecurities to damage if not destroy a budding relationship. 

     Relationship insecurities are not necessarily related to bipolar or any other mental health disorder, but are a natural part of us putting ourselves out there so to speak. Often, if we have hurt in the past, we tend to have even more insecurities than normal.  Ultimately, the real answer involves being honest with ourselves and recognizing that there are certain realities that we can count on. 

     The first of those realities is that basically everyone in a relationship has the ability to "mess around."  We can't control that, and if we try, it generally is unhealthy for us and the relationship. What we can control are our own thoughts, behaviors and feelings. So, rather than worry about the other person cheating, it can be much more helpful if we stop worrying whether or not we can trust the other individual, and realize that we CAN trust ourselves. What that means is that if our partner is cheating, we need to trust that we will know if/when they are cheating--the signs are always there.  

     Secondly, we have to trust that we are a valuable person and that what we bring to the relationship is real and precious.  We have to trust that if our partner cheats, it is their loss, not ours, and we are better off knowing the truth and dealing with it, rather than lie to ourselves and be in denial.

     Thirdly, we have to trust that no matter what our partner does or does not do, we will survive, thrive and move on.  Lastly, we have to believe that what we offer our partner is so unique and genuine that as long as we are doing our part, our partner will recognize our worth and be reluctant to "mess around" for fear of losing all that we have to offer them. 

     Bottom line, if we focus our attention on losing our relationship, that is what is most likely to be the outcome. If, on the other hand, we focus our energies on being the best partner we can be, then our partner is a lot less likely to risk losing that relationship. That means, relax, be happy, enjoy the relationship, be at peace knowing that by being happy ourselves, makes our relationship much more likely to continue and that worrying about trying to control our partner or the situation will only drive yourself crazy and drive your partner away.

     I think it can also be helpful to remind ourselves that there really are no “failed relationships.”   Every relationship is a learning experience that helps us to become a better partner, as well as a better person. The absolute best advice I can give you is that a relationship is like a roller coaster. The reality that there is risk, makes that ride all that more exciting and thrilling. Rather than trying to find a relationship without risk, why not just relax and enjoy the ride.