Missing my ex-husband a lot, ways to let go?

I am very sorry that you are going through such a difficult time in your life and yes it is turning the page to a new chapter in your life but it is still a very difficult process to go through.

Feeling betrayed by someone who you love can shatter your trust and it will take time for your trust to be restored in all future relationships. In the meantime, healing from this loss will be like a death and going through the stages of grief and loss is how you will heal from all of the pain. If you are not familiar with the stages of grief and loss they are denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance. You may not go through the stages in this order and you may circle back to one or more of the stages through this process. The most important part is to make sure you give yourself adequate time in each stage and not feel rushed to get through all of the stages. It sounds like you are in the denial phase where you miss all the good times you had and block out the hurt that led you to getting a divorce. This one is tough because you might often question whether or not you made the right decision.

It is okay to remember the good times because the relationship wasn't all bad or you wouldn't have stayed in it as long as you did. When you enter into the anger phase, these memories will be harder to access and will help reinforce whether or not you made the right decision to end the marriage.

The bargaining phase might put you back into a phase of thinking the bad part of the relationship wasn't so bad or you might dismiss the negative effect the betrayal is having on you. Either way it is important to acknowledge your feelings especially that being betrayed by someone you love really hurts.

Getting to the acceptance phase doesn't mean you won't still miss the relationship and feel pain from it ending, it just means this won't be so present in your everyday thinking and you will be able to move on to more fulfilling things that bring you happiness.

You will not be able to erase all those years you were with him but you can take what you learned from it with you into your next relationship and feel wiser for having the experience even if parts of it were painful.

I hope this answer helps you with your healing journey. I wish you the best of luck.

Take Care,

Mary Beth Blackwell, LCSW, CEDS