Relationship and jealousy issues

Thank you for sending your question. Within what he was saying, in what ways would you say you agree with him that you are more jealous? Do you feel that this stems from the feeling of not being able to trust him or in other words more about the comparisons that you might have with another person? There are many ways that people can be jealous in general. It may be more about physical comparisons or it is more about comparisons about feeling jealous of personality traits, how does that person relate to others? For yourself, in what ways do you feel that you are insecure or that you may feel jealousy more in certain situations than others? 

Another possibility, is that you are still dealing with past experiences in which you were not able to trust other people or have maybe been seeing other people you know go through situations in which they were betrayed by their partner. In this question, you stated that he is a good man. The most important thing to do when you know that your partner is genuine is to identify the traits of them that you trust the most and and the reasons why you would not have to worry about him doing something out of character. Even if there is no reason to worry, you may find yourself feeling jealous anyway due to either your current insecurities or past experiences. You can start to reflect on: is jealousy something that I deal with only within the situation or is jealousy something that is a constant issue in my overall life? You should start to pinpoint the aspects in which you feel most jealous and see it as a sign that you need to look within yourself to reflect on how you could best master these issues. You might find an aspect of yourself and say, you know I always wanted to work on that. Then, you could start a practice and separate it from comparing yourself to others. Or you can do more reflection on it and then say, how important is it really to me to have what that person has? This will challenge you to do some deeper inner work and try to understand a more genuine way that you can fulfill what you think you might be missing. Sometimes jealousy is driven by other emotions such as competition, anger, resentment. It is key to identify the emotions that are also tied to the jealousy or underlying the jealousy because it is the result of a deeper issue. Reflect on the parts of your life that you need to heal or deal with grief/loss. Either loss of people in your life or times that you were entitled for something to be a certain way. This could be getting through a relationship that didn't work out or a possible past person failure of some kind. 

When being in a relationship, you want to try to work towards focusing on their positive aspects and how they are important to you. Your partner needs reassurance from you in how you may be supportive to them. Additionally, you need to remind yourself of the characteristics of yourself that you feel are unique or your partner has told you are unique and keep in mind what makes you special to them. When your partner points out these characteristics, try to see if you can find ways in which you can agree with their point of view.

Additionally, it is important recognize jealousy as an emotion that may pass or lessen and you should reflect on it more instead of act on it negatively. Instead of acting on the impulses of jealousy, see it as a sign that maybe you need to spend more time emotionally connecting with yourself or your partner. Identify healthy ways for you to feel more connected to him, like planning an activity or event, or being thoughtful of something they like to do, or finding a way to show your appreciation for them. When your partner is emotionally ready to listen, you could also talk to them about these feelings of jealousy that you are having in a constructive manner. For example, voicing what the feelings of jealousy are, ask your partner for help to work on this or provide reassurance when possible.

Best of luck in working through these difficulties and hope that you take the time your need to discover more about yourself overall.