Should I meet up with my ex?

It’s quite normal for people to come and go in our lives, and the ending of a relationship might be a healthy outcome. However, going through a relationship breakup can be tough as we often feel we have lost someone we were close to. It is not unusual to go through a process of grief, and sometimes people feel they want answers before they can move on. There are recognized stages of grief and loss, which include denial, anger, bargaining, low mood and acceptance. Which one are you in right now? It might be beneficial to analyze your urge to make further contact.

“Perhaps meeting up with an ex will provide some of those answers” you may think. It is important to consider that finding the answers will not change the fact that the relationship ended, and rather than helping you move on, the meeting may bring back some of the rawness of rejection. In fact, you may not get the answer you need or want, meaning that the closure you seek proves illusive. Sometimes talking it through with a therapist may be a way forward, helping you to reflect and learn from the relationship breakup with someone independent from the situation.

But there may be something else going on here. Meeting up with your ex may provide the opportunity you crave to tell them things you never had a chance to say, or perhaps you are viewing it as a way of keeping in touch with them for longer? People have differing attachment styles regarding how they interact and attach to others. This can impact thoughts and feelings we have in relationships as well as how we choose to behave. Identifying and understanding our attachment styles can be a helpful tool to navigate the ending of relationships. For instance, someone who has an anxious attachment style may feel distressed when separated and may feel a pull to end the pain of rejection by attempting to reunite with the other person.

Regarding your original question of whether you should meet up with your ex, it may be helpful to reconsider your underlying motivations for meeting up with them with a qualified therapist.