What do I do? Am I overthinking? Or are relationships not right for me?

Hello and thank you for asking a question here on BetterHelp.

Sounds like you made a good decision in getting into a relationship, but now that your anxiety is kicking in you're starting to question everything. Your statement sounds a lot more like an issue with anxiety than it does a relationship issue. I've got a few suggestions I think could help but this would also be something where regularly meeting with a therapist could be a huge benefit.

When you start to talk about the root cause of your anxiety that usually leads to an uncovering of many other issues. This process is best helped when talking to a therapist, trying to do it on your own can be really difficult and there's nothing wrong with getting some help through the process. It's really easy to get linked with a therapist here on BetterHelp, all you have to do is click on the get started button on the homepage then follow the prompts from there. You will have to answer several questions about yourself and then you'll be automatically linked with a therapist, if you don't like the therapist you are automatically linked with you are more than welcome to choose one on your own or ask to be linked to another one. Meeting with the therapist can help you recognize barriers in your life you didn't know existed but are stopping you from being the person you want to be, this therapist can help you pick up on toxic behavior you made if that was completely normal but desperately needs to change. A therapist can also help you develop coping mechanisms to help you get through those really difficult days. I know it can seem expensive at first to get involved with therapy but you also must ask yourself how much you would be willing to do and pay to work through this issue . 

If you were sitting in front of me in a counseling session right now I would ask you, "you say that this relationship with somebody you've known for years doesn't feel right, has any relationship you've ever gotten into felt right?" I have a feeling you would say no. That's because the problem isn't the relationship itself, instead it's how you react and feel about yourself being in a relationship. I'm getting the hint that you don't feel like you deserve to be in a relationship, or you are scared that somebody's going to get close to you and discover too much about you. This sounds like there are two issues, a low self-esteem issue and an anxiety issue.

Having low self-esteem makes us push other people away, it causes us to not accept peoples compliments or praise, it causes us to feel like a failure even when we aren't. This is typically driven by a negative core belief. Think about a core belief like a pair of sunglasses, when you put on a pair of sunglasses everything you see is filtered through them before it makes it to your eyes. Similarly, a negative core belief filters the way you see, listen to, or process the world around you. When a core belief is inherently negative, it will cost us to see everything in a negative light typically targeted at ourselves. This is extremely common in relationships, one partner feels like they don't deserve the other one in his constantly feeling unworthy. Consistent negative core beliefs that I hear are: I am unworthy, I'm ugly, I'm not good enough, I'm a bad person etc. The good thing is that a negative core belief can be changed, but first it starts with you identifying what your negative core belief is. Take a look at the list I just provided and do some brainstorming, keep in mind it is common for people to have multiple negative core beliefs.  Once we have identified it I want you to gather up as much contrary evidence to your negative core belief as possible. This will feel very uncomfortable for you at first but you must keep in mind that the end goal is to prove your negative core belief is wrong, therefore taking away the power it has over you.  We want you to feel confident and comfortable in your own skin, that can't happen if your negative core belief is stopping you. I want you to read this contrary evidence to yourself daily, maybe even ask a friend or your girlfriend for some help in gathering up this contrary evidence and reminding you of it. Again, this will feel uncomfortable at first, but you want to take away the power it has over you and this contrary evidence will do so.

When it comes to anxiety it's all about fear: anxiety is fear driven and if we are able to identify the fear and take away the power it has overuse and we can reduce our anxiety. It is in a sense very similar to changing your self-esteem. When you feel your anxiety start to rise ask yourself, "what is it that I'm afraid of right now, is this fear possible or is it probable?" The reason I want you to do this is that the vast majority of the time we have taken a fear and blown it way out of proportion. Our brain has the ability to take a fear that has an extremely low chance of happening, then convincing us that it is probably going to happen, then convincing us it's going to happen and then causing us to emotionally react to this fear that is never going to happen. It sounds so silly when you think about it but we do it all the time. I'm telling you this because I want you to recognize the times in which you take a fear and blow it out of proportion. Doing so will help drastically reduce your anxiety. 

Lastly, I really want you to practice some good self-care! This means making smart financial decisions and preparing for the future, this means recognizing behavior in your own life that is not good for you or the people around you and making an active effort to change it, it means taking good care of your body and watching what you put into it, it means recognizing toxic relationships and keeping toxic people at a distance, but also making an active effort to improve yourself.

I hope you were able to find some thing in here that helps and I wish you the best of luck!