What do you do when everybody hates you?

Hi Tres,

This is a very good question and many others have expressed this concern in their life. When others have come to me with this, I always ask for the evidence for what gives them this impression. Most of the time, they cannot give specifics - it is more of a feeling or they tend to engage in mind reading or minimizing behaviors.

• Mind-reading is when someone thinks they know what another is thinking such as "I just know that XXXX does not like me because it seems like every time they look at me they give me a mean look or they just do not seem like the like talking to me." This behavior happens often and is usually not based on evidence or they will only focus on the behaviors of others to support their own thoughts and feelings.
• This is also where minimizing comes in to play. If another is nice or says or does something that is a positive, the individual with this mindset finds another reason or excuse to explain why this person was nice to them. The individual does not say something to themselves in the affirmative such as "I am a good person and they do like me for me." Instead they engage in negative self talk and  say something such as "They have to be nice to me because of xxxx or they did not really mean it because no one wants to be nice to me."

These cognitive distortions can make a lot of sense to the individual in the moment, but often times I find by using cognitive behavioral techniques, such as thought records and examining the evidence during a therapy session, is where we are able to make positive changes and help the individual change this view they have and of themselves and also the world.

And yes, there can be times where the individual is correct and the person does not like them. Then we have to determine how to address this situation especially if it is an interaction where the individual can not end the relationship. A good example the comes up often is feeling as thought your boss does not like or likes another co-worker better than you.

Yet, please remember that being unlikable by everyone all the time is something that I have found to be more rare than the actual truth.