What to do when attraction fades in marriage?
Attraction is an important component to a lasting marriage. However, since marriage is a long-term relationship, attraction naturally fluctuates throughout the marriage. It is important to note that and accept it so that you can come to expect it rather than being alarmed by it when it happens. As attraction fluctuates, it will be important to try and re-engage with your partner. Things that originally attracted you to one another when you first met might not even be present anymore, so there are things that will need to be adjusted. For example, when you first met maybe the person’s muscle definition was something that attracted you to them. However, of course years later, muscle definition might change so you will need to adjust what attracts you to your partner.
As you adjust what attraction looks like it is important to recognize that attraction is a physical and emotional component. Most people think of attraction being mostly a physical thing, but in a long-term relationship like a marriage the emotional attraction will help carry you through. Physical attractions will hopefully be there, but emotional attractions are longer lasting. As you try to explore the emotional attraction, think about how you each receive love. For example, some of us more receive love by quality time with our partner whereas some people more receive love by physical acts.
The physical component of attraction is something that will naturally ebb and flow because of our bodies changing. As your body changes, your preferences might change as well. It can be helpful to each make a “Will, want, won’t” list. On the list, you will each list out what you want with sexual intimacy, what you will feel okay doing sexually, and what you will not feel comfortable doing sexually. Doing a list like this can help you to reconnect physically and start to explore the wants you both have sexually. Try to remember that physical acts do not only have to include sexual intercourse, but can include things like holding hands, cuddling, kissing, etc. Reconnecting on this list throughout your marriage will hopefully help prevent the attraction from fading too much.