What to do when attraction fades?

It can be scary when attraction fades or someone begins to realize that they’re losing attraction to someone such as a romantic partner or spouse.  It can leave a lot of questions about the future or the directionality of the relationship unanswered or in the balance.  The important thing is not to panic.

Firstly, attraction can come back!  It might take a lot of soul searching and work but it is possible!  The first thing to determine is whether not something is causing the attraction to fade.  Was it something that you did or that the other person did?  Was it something that you learned about the other person?  Was there a recent exposure of the holes in the foundation of your relationship with that person?  Could it be a bunch of underlying issues that have been building up for some time now?

All the questions listed above are very important to start asking yourself or to explore.  These questions can give you some directionality as to whether this loss of attraction is something that is being caused by underlying issues in the relationship rather than an overall loss of attraction to the person.  Once these underlying issues have been discovered, it can help you determine whether you or both you and your partner should be exploring different solutions or maybe consider professional help such as counseling.

Secondly, attraction changing or being lost might feel heavy, but it is not the end of the world or your journey as a person.  If you have come to the conclusion that the attraction has faded and will not come back, this might be a sign that big changes are on the horizon.  Change is hard and it can be painful.  But, sometimes, it is for the best.  Maybe the person you lost attraction towards has changed.  Or, maybe you have changed.  Either way, it is important to remember that change gives us the room and the space to potentially learn and grow as people. Attraction fading is not necessarily an indication of someone’s “faults” but could possibly be a sign that there are better things to come in the future if a person is open enough to explore what those things might be.